But ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ Patti Stanger could use a gentle bitchslap

DON’T ASK: Patti, nice hair. Hey, did you used to be a…?

Kathy Griffin is the only in-the-trenches faghag we should grant license to say the phrase "the gays."

When it comes out of the mouth of "Millionaire Matchmaker" Patti Stanger, it don’t sound nice.

In Thursday’s season finale , Stanger — the tanorexic yenta — takes on her first gay client: Kevin Grangier, a PR exec workaholic, who splits his time between his West Hollywood townhome and his Kentucky antebellum manse.

Oh, but there’s a problem.

How does Stanger take on a gay millionaire when one of her first rules is that they can’t have anal sex until they’re in a committed monogamous relationship?

"Are they still going to bath houses?" Stanger asks. Her employees laugh, but Stanger insists that all her gay friends hook up on the first date because they don’t want to waste time.

While trying to gauge her first man-on-man client, Stanger wants to know specifics, like: Are you the butch or the femme? Are you on top when you’re having sex or on the bottom?

Understandably, Kevin’s jaw hits the floor.

Fine — Stanger has a point. But if gay people were as devoid of people skills as she is, they might blunty ask her, "With that cheap black wig and a figure like a estrogenic linebacker, we gotta ask: Did you used to be a dude?"

But that would be impolite.

This episode doesn’t suck — thanks to the gays. Kevin doesn’t pick the obvious himbo. He meets a nice dude.

— Daniel A. Kusner

Airs May 7 at 8 p.m. on Bravo.


If you can tell me how "The Fashion Show" is remarkably different from "Project Runway," then call Obama and tell him how to distance himself from Carrie Prejean’s views on gay marriage.

Isaak Mizrahi, pictured, and Kelly Rowland sift through 15 professional designers, who’ll compete in a creative fashion competition to have their designs sold in the retail market and win $125,000. And one of the 15 wannabes is gay underwear honcho Andrew Christian.

Mizrahi is nothing like nice guy Tim Gunn. And better than that bitch Michael Kors, Mizrahi’s pinpointed critiques are scalpel sharp.

— D.A.K.

Premieres Thursday, May 7 at 9 p.m. on Bravo.


On Tuesday, "The Real Housewives of New York" airs the last episode of the season. And during the finale, Bravo will conduct a "virtual viewing party" with the ladies fielding questions on Facebook and Twitter, et al. Here’s a question: "Hey, Kelly — why do people think you’re a cokehead?"

On the episode Bethenny, pictured, catwalk struts in fashion show. But the big drama is when Bethenny and her old pal Jill apparently get into a huge catfight.

Airs Tuesday, May 5 at 9 p.m. on Bravo.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition May 1, 2009.
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