Despite the online petitions and pressure from LGBT groups, Bert and Ernie will not be getting married.

Sesame Workshop issued a statement about its two puppets today saying they’re just friends:

“Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets™ do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

The couple, I mean puppets, live in New York where same-sex marriage is now legal. But it isn’t clear whether same-sex puppet marriage would also be allowed under the law.

On the Facebook page with Sesame Workshop’s statement, most commenters are against the idea of the Muppets marrying. The main reason given is, they don’t want to teach this to their children. Some called those in favor “douchebags” and asked “why does everything have to do with gay rights?” and compared homosexuality to abortion, polygamy — including polygamous forced rape of a young girl — the death penalty, murder.

Wow. They’re Muppets. Breathe.