Hi all. I wrote the following the morning before they “reopened” the government. I’m glad folks are getting to go back to work, but let’s see where we are in three weeks. Enjoy!

Hello everybody. I wish I could say that this New Year has gotten off with a bang, but it is truly off to a rocky start. Every day I am flabbergasted — yes, I said flabbergasted— the government is still shut down. So many people’s checks are being held ransom for a fucking wall. Of course, our government’s officials are getting their checks with no problems. We have become a joke to the entire world, and I am ashamed at how America’s people are being treated by our leaders.

Part of me thinks the Democrats should just cave and give that big baby his useless wall if that means our people can go back to work and get the money they deserve. Part of me thinks, never give in to the wants of a child having a tantrum… but at some point you just want that baby to stop screaming and would do anything for some peace and quiet. Someone needs to shut down the shutdown.

My heart breaks for the people not getting to work. My heart races when I think of the idiots making these decisions, and my heart skips a beat when I think,… How the fuck did we get here. I’m going to have a freaking heart attack, and I am not even directly affected by this craziness. I can only sympathize with all of our workers that have been furloughed.

I have a feeling that if there was a prequel to The Handmaid’s Tale, it would just be footage of our nightly news. These are scary times we live in, and I think someday soon our earth is just gonna shake us off like a dog getting out of the bath tub. Bitch… I sound like I am in a dark place, I’m actually in an okay mood, so let’s talk about something a little less depressing…. like Greek tragedies.

I just finished the book The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. I loved it. Set before the fall of Troy, speckled with petty gods and goddesses, two young boys, Patroclus and Achilles, fall in love, constantly in fear of what the prophecies have foretold and fighting the forces trying to keep them apart. Of course, it ends tragically yet beautifully, but it really was a lovely chariot ride of a read.

There is a British movie called The Man in the Orange Shirt. It’s a love story about two British soldiers during World War II and the heartbreak of not being able to be together. It’s sexy, sad, sweet and upsetting, but a great tale of past and present love.

I know it is a work of fiction but it got me thinking of all of our lesbian and gay sisters and brothers throughout history whose love stories will never be known. I know there must have been millions of stories of secret gay love, and I like to imagine that for every one that ended in tragedy, a hundred more loved fully and found happiness. So for every Brokeback Mountain there are a hundred Bird Cages… at least in my mind.

Any who! Time to get out of my feelings and start trying to help you with yours! WARNING! This next section is about gay butt sex, and it’s going to get graphic, so if this puts you off, look away or skip ahead. Last chance to turn the page. You have been warned!

Dear Cassie, I have and will always be a size queen. I love me a big cock. The issue I’m having is that I predominantly have always been the TOP. I have the fantasy of being “swept away” being the bottom and fully enjoying myself. That goes back to my youth of reading Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty books and watching Exit to Eden.

I was always considered a twink but only bottomed for a few of my boyfriends. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 17 years now, and he loves when I top. He is versatile, and I’d like to think that I am versatile, the issue is when I’m in the mood to be the bottom, he’s too rough. I don’t know if he has TOPPED enough to understand that it can’t be like it is in gay porn. He always hurts me. He doesn’t know how to “ease it in.” I want to please my husband, but I usually end up stopping the whole thing because he doesn’t know what the hell he is doing.

Do you have any advice as to how we can fix this situation? He does have a bigger… “situation” than I do, and I just don’t know if he gets that it doesn’t “fit” the way mine does. He says he loves me being his top, but I know he likes topping too. He’s just rougher when it comes to me being the bottom. HELP! Signed, MC 2tite

Dear MC 2tite, Great name by the way; mine would have to be MC 2loose! Jk! First of all I have to say that if ya’ll haven’t gotten this shit figured out in 17 years, ya’ll may have bigger problems then “dat dick too big!”

Communicate before ya’ll ever even get into bed that you don’t like it that rough, but here are a few pointers that you could try, before and during, to help the situation. You get on top so you have control of how fast his dick goes in. Tell him not to move until you tell him to, then you take your time and work it in at your pace. Threaten that if he starts jabbing or ramming it in, you will jump off and no ass for him.

If you want to be ready in the moment and know he is just going to ram it in, be prepared before you even get in bed. Take a moment to yourself in the shower or while you are alone and use your fingers or a small dildo to loosen your hole. If his dick is crazy big, have a few different size dildos to work your way up to his dick. This doesn’t have to be something you do alone. He may even enjoy getting you ready. Include him in the process; you might find a new routine that works for you when you want to be bottom. Try douching because a clean hole makes for a confident bottom. Good luck, and follow my tips and you will go from MC 2tite to MC JustRite!

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova

Email questions to [email protected].