Cassie grabbed a boob (and she liked it)

Hello, my people! I hope life finds you well on this fine day. And today is a fine day — you woke up, so there’s that at least. Some days I wish I was one of those always-happy, bubbly people. Truth is, I usually wanna punch their lights out.

Let me brood and be moody. That is my sweet spot.

A few weeks ago, we had an unexpected guest in the Rose Room. It was crazy. About 20 minutes before the show started, someone came backstage and said, “I think Katy Perry is sitting out in the audience in the second row.” We were like, “Whatever, queen.” But I decided some reconnaissance was in order. So I sent my friend Sweet Mark — we named him Sweet Mark because there are literally thousands of Marks out there and he was the nicest; BTW, there was also a Stupid Mark but he didn’t like his nickname for some reason — to check. Anyhoo, Sweet Mark came back and said very plainly, “I think that is her.” I was like, you think? She is one of the most famous pop stars out there, what do you mean you think? He was very unbothered by the whole situation. It was kind of hilarious. (Maybe we should rechristen him Chill Mark.)

I went to the curtain and peeped out for myself. It was definitely her, just sitting patiently, waiting for our show to start. She really is beautiful. I went back to the dressing room and said, “Bitch, that is her!” and all hell broke loose. Jenna, Krystal, Asia and Layla all went running to peek through the curtain. Apparently they were not very discrete — she saw them looking at her and gave them a wave. To her it had to look like a drag queen totem pole peeking at her from behind the curtain.

Krystal Summers, who had already turned in a Katy Perry mix was like, nope, I am not doing a Katy Perry song with her sitting right there. Jenna Skyy, on the other hand, called and made her roommate get out of bed to bring her Katy Perry candy-themed costume. It’s super cute.

Miss Perry sat there and watched the show with her group and looked like they were having a fabulous time. She tipped each girl and danced and Yaaaasssss Qweened all night.

(Side note: I later found out from the front door that she waited in line, paid cover for everyone in her group and never asked for special treatment. Security asked her to remove her sunglasses and let them go through her bag. She did not hesitate to do either. I just wanted to put that out there. She was a class act with no drama.)

I was really pleased with how respectful our audience was to her. Of course, everyone wanted to talk to her and get a selfie, but for the most part, people just left her alone. She did have security/body guards with her but they only stepped in if they needed to. Mostly she just sat there and had fun. She “Proud Mary”ed with Layla Larue and Snapchatted Jenna’s “California Girl.” She was a great tipper and an absolute joy to have in our audience.

The entire time she was sitting there, we were hoping and praying that she would come backstage and meet the girls. You know the rule: If you don’t get a selfie then did it even happen. That really is one of the greatest perks of being a drag queen: We meet a lot of fabulous celebrities. Lady Gaga, Lance Bass, Jordan Sparks and even Gabourey Sidibe. So I asked Katy Perry if she would come backstage to meet my girls before she left, she said, “Absolutely!”

Katy Perry and the crew at The Rose Room

She could not have been nicer. She complimented the show over and over. She said it was by far one of the best drag shows she has ever seen. We beamed with pride. It’s always nice to get validation from someone you admire. We started taking pics and she stopped and took a picture with every person that asked. In one of our group pics I asked her if I could grab her boob. I do this stupid joke where I ask if I can grab your boob and if you say yes, I call you a slut. Before I can deliver my punchline she said, “Please!” and grabbed my hand and put it on her perfect, perky, nice sized boob. The photo of that might be one of my most favorite things ever. The look on her face is priceless.

I have always really liked Katy Perry. I’ve done “I Kissed a Girl” so many times over the years, I feel like I owe her royalties. Now, I love her. Our experience with her was everything we wanted it to be. She was funny, charming and made us feel like the stars of the night. I can’t say enough good things about her. Katy Perry, you rock and you are always welcome back in the Rose Room.

But now for something that has annoyed the fuck out of me since the pic of me grabbing Katy Perry’s boob was posted online and in Dallas Voice. I was contacted by two young gay boys telling me I should be ashamed of myself for “violating” Katy Perry the way I did. I was preached at that women are not a man’s plaything. That they are sure that one day I will be Katy Perry’s #MeToo story. One of the twinks went so far as to say that I should make a public apology to Katy Perry and jump in front of this before it ruins my career.

First off, I find it funny that both of my preachers were very young, white gays. Being that long ago I myself was a young white gay, it baffles me to think they think I need them to police me. Second, just kiss my ass you little brats. And as for women, I adore them and literally have made it my job to emulate them.

The world is so messed up right now. People get offended over every little thing. People don’t think about intent anymore and a rush to judge is the only driving force. There are so many actually awful things going on in this world but you wanna make me feel like I did something wrong, that I am some kind of sexual predator and that should be put on blast for an innocent boob grab. Intent! What was my intent?! Good lord. Chill out, little gays.

I admit that there are probably a lot of straight men out there that I have treated like meat. I inappropriately grab butts, crotches and trick boys into kissing me on the lips with a fake-out cheek kiss. I like to think I am trying to balance out the universe one straight boy at a time.

My intent is always to make them have a night they will never forget. Have fun with them, take them out of their comfort zone and entertain. Men have treated women like things for centuries; I feel like I am giving them a taste of their own medicine. Beware straight men, if you come to my show, you might get got!

And Katy Perry might get a boob grabbed.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous. XOXO, Cassie Nova