Cassie on religion

Hello, everyone. This has been a very shitty few weeks for my family. My beautiful niece lost a baby that she carried the full nine months. It was some kind of infection that the doctors say they were unfamiliar with. It was all very sudden and heartbreaking.

Luckily my niece, whom we almost lost as well, pulled through. She has shown her strength and relied on her faith to get her through this. I know that there will be a lot of hard days ahead for her and her husband but I’m glad they have their beliefs and family to get them through.

I, on the other hand, am finding myself more and more… faithless. I roll my eyes every time I hear the phrase “thoughts and prayers.” Faith can’t be forced — trust me I’ve tried. I know that a lot of my friends and family will not want to hear this from me, but I am not a fan of religion. I honestly wish I had blind faith in something, but I believe religion hurts more than it helps. I am not talking about one’s individual faith; I am talking about religion and the rules they make up to fit what they want to believe and how they believe you should act.

I am not saying I do not believe in God or a higher power — I do — but I first learned to hate myself in church. It was always godly folks telling me I was going to burn in hell. As a kid, that was the most terrifying thing in the world. I remember going to church with my best friend’s family when I was about 11 or 12. We woke up that Sunday morning and his mom made us all pancakes and bacon. We got to church and one of the first things the preacher said was about how we were all supposed to be fasting. They were Mormon and for some reason, at certain times they fast. I was standing there smelling like pancakes and bacon feeling guilty, and even though I didn’t know anything about their religion, I felt shame for just having breakfast.

The breakfast shame was nothing compared to the gay shame I felt when he started talking about the demon gays. A few years later I went to a different church with the same family, a Christian church. I guess some of the Mormon ways sent them into a different direction, too. It started out great, speaking of love and light, but then they always seemed to say at least one small, going-to-hell-if-you-are-gay thing that made me leave hating who I was. To me, being gay was never a choice, it was just a fact of who I was. I decided that every friendship or relationship with my family was on borrowed time because as soon as they knew the real me, I would be out and gone, never to return.

I watch the news every day. I am shocked that the evangelical Christians are totally OK with the president cheating on his wives and having sex with porn stars but can’t get over two men loving each other. I am baffled by so many things I hear “Christians” say these days. I think the biggest problem with all religions are the human interpretation of stories written forever ago. History is written by the winners so what is the truth? We will never know, but blind faith in these stories must be so freeing. I just do not have that kind of faith. I know I am not a theologian and don’t mean to offend anyone but if I do offend you.… you have my thoughts and prayers.

Believe it or not, I still pray. When I pray, I see it as a way to speak to the energy that was my grandma, the energy that was my grandpa, the energy of whatever created everything. If that sounds like some hippy dippy bullshit, maybe it is, but why are my beliefs less than yours. I am not so small-minded to think that there is nothing more after death, but if this life is all we have, I strive to live in a way that at the end of my life I can be proud of my time here. If the only reason you are a good person is because of a fear of going to hell, you might be an asshole… but whatever works.

For those of you that love religion and going to church, I’m glad for you. I guess in a way I am jealous. Jealous that you found what I never could in church. Please don’t see this as a cry for some religious help; it is not. Please don’t contact me trying to get me to join your church — I appreciate it but do not need it. I found happiness within myself. It was easy when I stopped feeling shame for something I never felt was wrong. I don’t think I know everything but I know my place in my universe. For now, faith and confidence in my place in said universe is subject to change, always learning… always growing.

OK now, this is weird. The week I decide to write about religion, the below question was the only one sent to me this week.

Dear Cassie, You seem like a crazy bitch that I would never want to piss off…Do you think you would be able to commit murder? Signed, just curious!

Dearest jc, Test me bitch! Just kidding. I absolutely think if I had to protect someone I love I could kill someone. I get mad and I can yell like a crazy person but killing just to kill, no way. Way too much work! I will admit to fantasizing about having telekinetic powers like Carrie and hurling cars that cut me off into the air as the explode, but that’s just a normal traffic fantasy… right?

Speaking of murder, did you see Zac Efron is going to play Ted Bundy in an upcoming movie? Bitch, I would let him murder my…. well, you know!

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous. XOXO! Cassie Nova

Reach the writer at [email protected].