Cassie gets older

As I sit down to write this, I am days away from my 47th birthday. Fuuuuuccccckk! So far getting older is great! Every day, a new hair someplace I didn’t need one, and less hair where I do. If my wrinkles are caused by laugh lines, then I must find everything fucking hilarious. I hurt my back the other day from standing — not standing up fast, just standing. Every day a new small pain or ache pops up for no reason. No big deal; I have a great relationship with Lady Advil.

On the flip side, I am happy. Happy to be getting older. Happy with where I am in my career. Happy in my relationship with my husband and with my friends. I am happy with my life in general. Of course, there are always things I will strive for, but I think it is important to recognize when you are happy and enjoy it. Life is crazy, and we don’t know what changes tomorrow will bring, so as of this very moment, I am happy. Happy birthday to me.

Did I just jinx myself by admitting to being happy? Probably. The Eeyore in me thinks I have just lit a fuse and put a timer on my happiness, but the Tigger in me says fuck it — be a happy idiot for as long as you can. And now, I will happily help out some of you.

Dear Cassie, I have a question for you. We are a military service family and have lived all over, so my daughter Cheyenne has a BFF from high school in Germany — a guy that graduated a few years before she did, then joined the Air Force and is still stationed overseas. Throughout that time, he has expressed love and interest in Cheyenne — in her senior year when we returned to Texas, he would send her these massive bouquets of flowers and other gifts, and whenever she was studying, he would order her a study pizza from overseas and have it delivered to our house. He also remembered she does not like cheese on her pizza. Because of time constraints, distance and beginning her own career, he has been in other relationships but has always maintained their friendship.

Recently, he and his girlfriend visited the States. He and my daughter had a brief conversation while he was here, then the following week, he deleted/blocked her on Facebook. When Cheyenne asked me about it, I asked her if they had a fight; she said no. I asked her how the conversation went; she states it was normal — they laughed, were silly, and there was a little flirting. I asked if it was done in front of his girlfriend. She said she does not know, she doubts it. I told Cheyenne that it sounds like he still has feelings for her, and girlfriend found out about her and is threatened by her and demanded that he delete/block her.

Cheyenne finally “talked” to him via another source and just point blank asked him “Dude! WFT! Did you really delete/block me on FB,” to which he replied yeah. She asked why, and he states that whenever they talk, no matter how long it’s been, he ends up catching feelings and doesn’t think it’s fair to this relationship he’s in now. She asked if he was willing to throw away all these years of friendship in the process; she says he never gave a solid answer. So my question to you is: Do you throw away an amazing, long-time friendship while you are dating someone? Or what? Signed, SCF

Dear SCF, Gurl, trust me. That girlfriend found out about Cheyenne, and she is not having it. I guarantee you that his new girlfriend is being a petty, petty princess. It is awful that he is so willing to end what sounds like a great friendship for his new piece, but if you look at it from the new girlfriend’s point of view, she is threatened by their history and by the obvious connection they share. If I found out my boyfriend was still hung up on his ex, even if they were just friends — BTW, that boy is in love with Cheyenne — I would want him to unfriend/block/delete her, too.

If you look at it from his point of view, he obviously has very strong feelings for your daughter. That boy is in love with her, and it seems that for whatever reason, distance or whatever, he stayed in the friend zone. At some point he has to move on. It sucks that a friendship has to end for him to be able to move on, but that looks like what is happening. And I’m not sure if you know this, but men can be stupid.

It sounds like he needs to give his new relationship a chance but is secretly hoping that if it doesn’t work out he can crawl back to his best friend/ love of his life. If and when that happens, what will Cheyenne do? Ignore and block him back? Or will we get the rom-com ending everyone is wanting? Please keep us posted, and tell your daughter good luck. Love, Cassie

Dear Cassie, What is the weirdest thing you have ever done while in drag? Thanks, Inona Mouse

Dearest Inona, Once, a very long time ago, I went to a friend’s house party in drag. It was far north of Dallas in some small town, and we stopped at the grocery store so I could shop for tampons. I didn’t need them — hell, it wasn’t even my time of the month! — but we thought it would be funny. I have pictures of me in that Piggly Wiggly somewhere doing price comparisons on tampons. The poor old lady at the check-out line seemed very confused. Good times.

Once I was hired to do a mystery dinner theater very last minute (their usual drag queen got sick, so I filled in). At the end of the dinner I stood up and said, “Don’t you recognize me, Stepfather? It is I… your son James!” as I ripped off my wig to the sounds of gasps and laughs. The only person not laughing was this old guy that had been hitting on me and kept putting his hand on my knee. He had no clue I was a dude. He might have been a little blind and senile, but he ended up being a good sport about it. A little freaked out but a good sport.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous. XOXO! Cassie Nova.

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