Cassie says, haters gonna hate

CassieHello, all. I am really confused and frustrated with the world. I guess we all are, about many different things. This week I am frustrated by people getting offended by every little thing. I pride myself on being funny. I get that some folks don’t think I am. I am a drag queen with a horribly offensive sense of humor. I have said things onstage that are just awful, whether it be for shock value or just a laugh. The ridiculous shit I say is all in good fun. I would never post most of the stuff I say because it can so easily be misinterpreted. Inflection and timing can
turn saying something offensive into a charming joke.

Recently, I have noticed that I have been editing myself onstage for fear of alarming the easily offended… and I fucking hate that! Every day, there is a new subject or word that is off limits. It’s exhausting trying to keep up on what is politically correct. I never want anyone to leave my show upset, but I also feel it is our jobs as entertainers to push the envelope a little.

A few weeks ago, while in Palm Springs, we saw Lady Bunny’s show called Trans-Jester. It was hilarious — we laughed our asses off and “Yasss Kween’d” at some of her darker jokes. One thing she talked about was the word tranny. She said that back in the day, the word was a term of endearment used between sister-performers and friends, but now the word is verboten. I have tried to stop saying it because so many of my trans sisters don’t like the word. I will never know the struggles of being a trans person, so I try to be supportive. But if I do say tranny, my friends know my intent is not hurtful. Still, that word is on the list.

Lady Bunny talked about how many standup comedians won’t work at certain venues, mostly colleges, because they are given a list of trigger words that they are not allowed to say — words like rape, abortion and suicide. All horrible things, but to ban words that are a part of life makes no sense to me. I have a pretty good gauge of how far I can take a joke but being told that you can’t say certain words before even knowing their intent is so stupid to me. When did we become a society that is so easily offended by everything? For every point you make, there is someone ready with a counterpoint, and it defeats the purpose of joy. Butch up world — learn to take a joke.

Now to help the world.

Dear Cassie, I am a little confused as to how to approach this issue. A member of my family who has known and interacted with me for many years has recently sent me an email that left me stunned and shaken. I recently married and have celebrated the news, but since we got engaged, this family member had not bothered to remark about it on social media or even private email. The email started:

“Dear Robert, I love you. But feel compelled to tell you this: You are going to Hell! How can you openly advocate your lifestyle and your sins on Facebook like you do?” The rest carried quotes from the Bible and so forth.

In the past, I would have fired back a serious email asking her a few questions … like how can you attack me like this when you have four kids and still are testing people for three to find the father. But is there any point in even trying to do anything with her or is it now time to just forget she shares the planet with me?

Dear Robert, Many of us have been where you are. Let me give you the advice I wish someone would have given me years ago: Life is too short to let that kind of person consume any more of your life, love or energy. I had friends years ago who told me the same bullshit. They were more than friends when I was young; they were family. So I tried to change their minds. I counterpointed their scripture with other scripture and let their opinion ruin me for a while. For some reason, it was important to me to have them accept me. They would not. Everything about our relationship changed the day I realized that I didn’t need any of them. I was sad about losing those friends and family members, but in the end it was so worth not having to be told I was “less than.” A true Christian would never judge you or be so bold as to tell you where you will spend eternity.

Unfollow her, unfriend her. I’d block the bitch. You are married — he is your family now. Let him fill the void of losing an unkind, unloving family member with love. Moving on is easier than you think. Don’t argue with her, don’t feel like you need to put a bitch in her place. Just close the door and walk away. Good luck moving on, Cassie.

Dear Cassie, I have been married to my husband for almost three years. We are most of the time very happy. About a year ago, he got mad and punched me. I wasn’t even sure what I did wrong. I didn’t fight back because I am much bigger than him and would never hit him. I thought I was going to leave him for good, but that night he apologized and we had the best sex we have ever had. He fucked me like I have never been fucked.

Two months later, we got into a stupid argument over me not being able to open a bottle of wine correctly. He smashed the bottle of wine and proceeded to slap me around. I balled up on the floor so he started to kick me; 20 minutes later we were fucking, and once again it was the hottest, most passionate sex we have ever had. So I guess my question to you is, should we be together or should I leave him. Thanks, Anonymous.

Dear Anon, First I need to tell the readers that I had to edit your letter way down. It was much more of the same — fighting, beating then sex (lots of sex). Way too many details. But the conclusion I have come to is this: Hitting is never OK in my book. Physical violence should end any relationship that is supposed to be based on love. That being said, I kind of feel like you are using violence as foreplay.

One of the parts I edited out talked about how you wanted to start an argument in hopes of great sex. I think you both need to see an actual therapist. I am just a drag queen with an advice column, but you two need professional help. I think your husband has anger issues and you might have daddy issues. I think y’all might be more into S&M than you even know or you have watched way too much prison porn.

I hope you are not in any real danger and if you feel you are, then please contact Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project at or find a service to help you. I truly believe you both could benefit from seeing a counselor. Good luck, Cassie.

Remember to always, love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 14, 2017.