On ugly babies, moms and exes

The past few weeks have been an amazing whirlwind of fabulousness. Between Easter in Lee Park and the Texas premiere of A Very Sordid Wedding, I have been a busy party girl and I have a couple of quick stories to tell you about each one.

First, picture it: Easter Sunday. My friends and I got together as a big group to hang out, people- and puppy-watch and have a few cocktails. We took our two Pomeranians, Sunny and Riley. This was Riley’s first big day out, and he was having a blast with all the different sights and smells — so many people to say “hi” to and hands to lick, not to mention the endless barrage of butts to sniff.

My friend Justin brought about 150 Jell-O shots that he insisted we down quickly in fear they would melt. We found an out-of-the-way spot to set up our base camp. We were all having a blast. Eventually my poor Riley finally got tuckered out. He decided to plop down and rest. He was on his leash, right in front of me, just sprawled out. He is all of maybe five pounds, so he takes up no room at all.

That’s when this festively-dressed guy — red blazer, blue bowtie and the prissiest loafers I have ever seen — comes through the middle of our little area, pushing a baby carriage with what I am assuming to be his wife a few feet behind him carrying a diaper bag. He stopped it in front of Riley and expected my dog to move. Riley could not be bothered. It was funny to me, but he just stood there waiting for me to force my dog to move. I would have, if the guy didn’t have like 10 feet on the other side of my pup. I laughed at how adorably stubborn my pooped-out pup was being and said “Sorry, he’s tired.” Then I said “It’s like he is telling the world, ‘Go around me, bitches.’” I giggled, he backed the stroller up and turned and walked away.

A full 10 minutes go by when the Mr. Metrosexual comes back over to me, this time carrying his baby. He walks up and says, “You better watch who you call bitch!” I laughed because I thought he had to be kidding. Coming up on me with his wannabe badass attitude while literally using his baby as a shield. I told him to calm down — it was a joke. He said something like “That’s what I thought,” and pranced on with his ugly baby in tow. (I know we are never supposed to call babies ugly, but we have all seen them. They exist. They are out there.)

I was completely flabbergasted. It took me a minute to realize what had just happened. I looked around to my group of friends and just shook my head. I don’t think any of us thought he was being for real. Who in the hell would come over and try to pick a fight while holding a baby? He had to take the kid out of the stroller and come all the way back over to where we were just to get an attitude. But if I punch the guy with the baby, I’m the asshole. Other than that kind of hilarious moment, the day was one of the best days ever.

Last week, I attended the Texas premiere of A Very Sordid Wedding. It was a really big deal for me. I invited my mother to attend. My mother and I have had a very turbulent past. First she finds out I’m gay, then she finds out I’m a drag queen. Neither of us have handled every situation the best. When she first found out I was gay, there was a lot of Bible talk. We didn’t go to church a whole lot, but suddenly everybody could quote passages to me. As many of my fellow Southern gays can attest, this is the unfortunate norm. I struggled with my faith and being gay, and when many of the people I love told me that basically, “You are going to hell” — well, it can fuck with your head.

So, Momz and my fabulous Aunt Tammy were asked to come see me in this movie that has a wonderful message of love and acceptance. I warned her that I would be attending in drag, and she said OK. My mom had not seen me in drag in over 20 years. I think over the years, she has just come to grips with what I do for a living. The great thing about taking her to see the movie the other night was that she got to see how well-liked, even loved, I am by my community. I felt like a fucking superstar on the red carpet and being asked to take pictures with so many people. I noticed my mom standing over with my husband and my aunt with a look of pride on her face.

My mother-in-law and my two sisters-in-law were there as well. I have never felt anything but love and support from those three awesome ladies, but it was a new feeling to have that from my own blood relatives. We sat and watched the movie — for the record, it’s even better than the original. It was cool to hear my mom and Tammy laughing as hard as everybody else.

Near the end, there is a great scene where Bonnie Bedelia’s character, Latrelle, gives a heartfelt sermon where she says so many things that hit close to home. In that moment, that was my mother on the screen. I looked over at my mom and she was crying. I put my arm around her, and we shared a very beautiful moment. If you have seen the movie, you know why, if you have not seen it yet, please do — super funny with a lot of heart. I truly believe my mother and I have turned a page in our relationship, for the better. It was a wonderful night.

Ok enough about me.

Dear Cassie, So my ex texted me, saying he will be in town and would like to introduce me to his new boo. I haven’t seen or talked to my ex in five years. Why would someone do this? What is the point? I told him that I have prior engagements and can’t make it. Is that taking the high road or the low road? Either way, I want to keep the past exactly where it is. Sincerely, Dazed/Hazed/Confused.

Dear DHC, Grrrl, don’t give him and his new man a second thought. It seems to me that he just wants to rub his new life and his new “wife” in your face. If y’all haven’t spoken in five years, then why start now? You have moved on, he has moved on, but seems like he has something to prove. Y’all are exes for a reason, and since y’all have not kept in contact, don’t open old wounds.

Continue to have prior engagements; if he persists, just be honest with him and say it’s not going to happen. No hard feelings, but you just don’t want to see him. Sometimes the right thing to do is to keep that door closed. Keep moving gaily forward and live your drama-free life … if there is such a thing. Good luck.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous. XOXO, Cassie Nova.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 28, 2017.