Coming out and coming to terms

Hello, nerds. Today I am reminded of my nerdness, and saddened by it. As I sit down to write this, it is May the 4th, and all Star Wars fans know what that means. But it is also just two days after the death of Peter Mayhew. He played Chewbacca in many of the Star Wars films, and I am sad today, feeling like I lost someone close to me, even though we never actually met. It’s strange to feel such a strong sadness for someone whose actual face I’m not sure I would have recognized.

He died at his home in Boyd, here in North Texas. I think it is so cool that the Chewbacca I grew up with chose to live in Texas. I’ve met many people that actually met him, and they all say what a lovely human being he was. Could you imagine running into a 7-foot guy from England in small-town Texas? Rest in peace, you gentle giant, and may The Force be with you!

On a happier note, I am still riding high from being a guest speaker at the Texas Library Association’s annual conference, and just to give you a heads up, we will be doing Drag Queen Storytime near the end of June for Pride month. I will keep you all posted as to exactly when so you can bring the kiddos.

Speaking of the conference, I have to tell you about how Jenna Skyy and I unintentionally traumatized a poor old guy while we were there. We were walking around checking out all that conference had to offer: Lots of books and book-related items for sale. I was looking for a cute little souvenir to remember the great time we had in Austin.

We came across this booth that had books that had shapes cut into them. They had to be cut with a laser or something, because the cuts were perfect. Thick books with crosses, hearts, letters and just about every animal shape you could think of cut out of them. I found one with a heart cut out and bought it.

The poor guy that was selling the books was very friendly — happy-go-lucky and talking to everyone that passed. As he was making change for my purchase he asked if we were librarians. Jenna replied, “No, we are drag queens and are guest speakers at the convention,” and that we had just finished speaking on a panel about our experience with Drag Queen Storytime. Some switch in that man’s head flipped. He got tongue-tied and could barely speak. He began to stutter, not because he had a stutter, but because he was immediately uncomfortable. Bless his heart.

He began telling us his son was G-G-G-G-G-G-G… I told him, ”It’s okay you can say it: Gay.” He said yes. The stutter only popped up on words that I don’t think he was comfortable saying. Gay, drag, homosexual. It was actually kind of hilarious. We made him so uncomfortable just by being ourselves, but I have to give it to him, he tried his damnedest to act like it was all good in the hood.

I could tell he was a religious person, and not once did he say anything negative to us. In those stutters I could see the conflict within him. I would love to know the journey between him and his son. I bet that is a roller-coaster of a relationship. As we walked away, Jenna and I just giggled.

Now let’s hopefully help some folks out…

Dear Cassie, My name is Ken Cruson, aka Texas Kenny, and I am looking for an old friend named George Lyle. He worked with me at a gay bar called The Ranch from 1973 to about 1979. He was big into the leather community and won many TGRA titles in the ’80s. I really want to find my friend or find out what happened to him. I hope your readers can help. Thank you, Ken.

If anybody out there can help this guy, let me know and I will put you in contact with Ken. Thanks everyone!

Dear Cassie, I have fallen in love with a guy that lives out of state. I was just visiting for fun and not looking for love. When I met him, I had a feeling that I have never had before. Something about him amazed me and I thought to myself, “Is this what they talk about when they say love at first sight?” I had to leave the next day but could not wait to get home and text him. We ended up dating and fell in love despite the odds with the long-distance thing.

I need to mention that he is 27 and I am 41. He just came out to his family, and we met his first night at a gay bar. He is an old soul and not a slut by any means. We have dated for almost a year now, and our parents have even met each other recently. I am so in love that it hurts some days, because I can’t be with him all the time. Last week, out of nowhere, he decided that we should break up due to it being long distance and such.

Should I just let him go or fight for him? My friends tell me that I should go see him and surprise him, but I don’t feel that he wants me there. What are your thoughts? Signed, Lost.

Dear Lost, Dude! This sucks. Now, along with the long-distance thing, you also have the age thing. Not that you are that much older, but there is a pretty large age gap. You basically are dating someone that is completely new to the gay scene. Think about when you first came out; did you immediately want a relationship? I didn’t. Being around other gay people was so new and cool, and I wanted to experience all life had to offer. That does not necessarily mean being a slut but letting yourself be open to all the opportunities of being a newbie.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to step away from a situation and give it some time. You’ve heard people say, if you love someone, set them free. See if distance and time makes him miss you and realize that he wants to be with you. Would he want to be with you if you lived close to each other? If so, could you uproot your whole life and move for him?

The truth is, I think you two are in completely different places in your lives. Who knows what tomorrow will bring; maybe the stars will align and put you back together. Stay strong and good luck!

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova

Contact Cassie at [email protected].