What makes you happy? Cassie knows … and you should, too

Cassie_8433-FINALHello, nurse! I woke up this morning in a wonderful mood (hey — 11 a.m. is still morning). The sun is shining, the birds are singing and my house is mostly clean. These are things that put me in a good mood. I am super lucky that I rarely have to wake up to an alarm clock. Nothing puts me in the mood for murder like a loud-ass screaming alarm clock. To those of you that have to wake up like that every morning… God bless you.

Here is a list of a few other things that put me in a good mood. Critter cuddles. I don’t care if it’s a dog, cat, bunny or donkey. I love it when any animal shows affection to me. Puppy breath. OMG there is something I love about a young pup’s breath. It smells somewhat sweet with a touch of hopefulness and joy. I know it’s weird but some of you will know exactly what I am talking about. I love the way cool grass feels under my bare feet.

I love when you start a book and are immediately “all-in” as opposed to having to force yourself to keep reading until you become interested. I love when you are in a long checkout line at the store, and they open a register near you and you get there first. I love movie star parking — that’s when you pull into a busy parking lot and you get to park right up front by sheer timing. I love being kissed on my neck (by my husband). I also love it when we hold hands, even if it’s just while we are watching TV.

I love when I am putting on my make up for a show and everything goes on perfectly. I love it when my eyebrows go on as twins and not very distant cousins. I love when I over-draw my lips and they look sexy and full as opposed to Jokerish and bee-stung. I love it when my pads go on perfectly and my body shape is on point. Sometimes, one hip pad will shift and I look like I am standing on a curb. It’s not cute.

I love leftovers. I love when you think you have to go to the store but then you open the pantry and have the ingredients for a fabulous meal. I love cheap wine and I am not afraid to admit it. I love having friends over to just hang out and shoot the shit. I love writing, especially when I feel I have something to say and can say it in a witty, inspired manner.

And I love helping people. I know, I am just as surprised as you are. But that’s what we are here for. So here goes.

Dear Cassie, I have a boyfriend of 10 years. I have been through hell with him and his drinking. He has been in and out of jail for his horrible drinking problem but I haven’t given up on him. He recently got out of jail and came home and got a job the very next day. He was not making a lot of money, but at least he’s trying. He had a slip a couple of weeks ago — I came home and he was gone. He didn’t return for like 2-1/2 hours. He was all drugged out on meth, I think, but he said it was cocaine. He’s like 18 years younger than me. I am so tired of all his crap, the sex is not good anymore and we fight all the time. I think now he’s just using me for a place to stay. I don’t know what to do — I still love him. Please help me. — Dazed and Confused.

Dear Dazed and Confused, Dude, that is a tough situation, but it is time for an ultimatum — regardless of which drug he is doing. You tell him that he must go to an AA/NA meeting. He can either participate in his own recovery or he can get the fuck out. Have you seen the meme of the bloodied hands holding a rope? It says, “sometimes you hurt yourself more by holding on than you do by letting go.” It is time for you to let go. If you are important to him, let him show it by getting clean and not being just a burden to you.

Does he realize he has a problem or are you just enabling him? Don’t be his safety net forever. I know you love him, but are you happy? Give yourself and your happiness value. You are his partner, not his parent. Even though you wrote in for advice, I think you know what you need to do. Put your foot down, stand firm. He gets and stays clean or he is out the door. No excuses. Good luck because I do not envy you, my friend. Cassie.

Dear Cassie, In your 23-year career in drag, do you have any regrets of things you’ve done or missed out on? Thanks, Merry Go Round.

Dear Miss Go Round, Hell yes I have some regrets! Where the hell do I even start? I regret plucking my eyebrows thin for so long because now they won’t grow back. I should have just shaved them off. Nowadays the girls do this glue stick trick, where they glue down their eyebrows then they base and powder over it. It’s not as fishy as mine, but at least they look like boys out of drag. Don’t get me wrong, I look good, even if I have been mistaken for a female-to-male transsexual. (It only happened once, but it was funny.) I have dreams where I have giant Einstein/Peter Gallagher eyebrows that blow in the wind but when I wake up they are gone, replaced with my perfectly arched eyebrows that all the girls are jealous of. Oh, well.

I also regret all of the great parties, weddings or cool events that happen on show nights … which for me is every weekend. Although I love my job and know how lucky I am to work as much as I do, I have missed out on a lot of family events. Drag queens give up a lot in the form of working every holiday. Every time y’all wanna go out and party, we are there. Even when holidays fall on a weeknight when we would be closed, we open and do a show. Give the gays a reason to go out and drink, and we will be there in dresses making sure it’s a party. It’s actually only a regret when we hear about something fun we missed out on, but then I don’t have to wake up to an alarm clock and I’m good. Thanks for the question fish basket! Love, Cassie.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.

If you have a question of comment, email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition May 27, 2016.