Being single isn’t a disability — it’s a choice for the choosy

IMG_8426Hello, my lovelies. I hope you all are having an incredible day. You know, families are funny things. If you are lucky, they are who you run to when things get overwhelming or chaotic. But for many in the gay community, we tend to run away from our blood family and run to our chosen family. I have an awesome, caring husband and many friends I can always count on.

One of the things I love most about my job is when I interact with the audience at a show and find out that there is a mom or dad out with their gay son or daughter. It makes me so happy and in between lewd jokes I always tell their kid how fortunate they are to have a parent that loves and supports them enough to go to a gay club and be hassled and manhandled by a big scary man in a dress.

Every time I tell the crowd to “make some noise” for the fact they are there supporting their gay son or daughter, it is usually the loudest the crowd cheers the entire night. I never mean to, but many times when I have done this, the mom tears up. It fills me with all kinds of different feelings: Hope, that this is the new normal; jealousy, because I never had that; but mostly, it’s a sense of happiness that it is happening more and more.

I’m honored that so many young people think enough of our show to bring their parents out to see it. I hope that the parents have a blast but I also hope that they see and feel the sense of community we all share. Hopefully it relieves some of the anxiety they may feel about their kid going out to a gay club. Yes, we can act vulgar and crass. Sure, we over-sexualize just about everything, but at our core, a drag show is about acceptance. We want you to accept us as the hot messes we are and in return we promise to keep pushing boundaries, possibly make you feel uncomfortable
but hopefully always entertain you. The Rose Room; fun for the whole family… mostly!

Now let’s get to work!

Hey Cassie! Longtime reader, first-time advice asker (that’s a word, right?). I’ve been out and proud for almost seven years. Yay, me! During all that time, I’ve tried every sort of possible route of dating — sadly, with no success in dating a guy longer than a couple months. Now that I’ve turned 30, I fear it’s a mark against me. This isn’t a “woe is me, why am I forever single?!” I’m content with myself and know when the time comes (hopefully), someone will come into my life and I’ll figure out why it didn’t work out with anyone else. I need advice with another situation that almost always occurs when I tell someone “I’ve never had a serious boyfriend/always been single.” Their usual response is something along the line of, “What? How can such a [insert complimentary remark] guy like you never have been in a relationship?!” Which I translate into, “What is wrong with you and why does no one want you?” I know that’s most likely not their intention, but that’s how the reaction breaks down to me.

I usually respond back with something humorous like, “A team of psychotherapists are doing a study to find out,” or, “I murder anyone that loves me.” You know, something funny to change the subject. I know in your vast wisdom, however, you’ll have a suggestion as a response that won’t come off as bitter or agitated. Thank you for taking time to review my request and for all the others that came to you for advice. Signed, Forever Single in Dallas.

Dear Forever Single, It looks to me like you use humor as a crutch. It’s your go-to. I can totally relate — I tend to do the same thing. Being funny and quick is a great way of deflecting questions that you may not want to know the answer to. When I was single, and I was single for a long time, I dated lots of guys for very short periods of time. It’s hard to not to think why can’t I keep a guy, or what’s wrong with me?

The truth is, I believe, that every person you date makes you ready to be with the guy you are supposed to be with. You learn something from every frog you kiss that magically turns into a jerk instead of a prince. For me, I learned what I didn’t want in a relationship. I let so many guys treat me like shit that when I found a guy that treated me good, I knew how to recognize it and hang on to it. So many of us think we are not worthy of love and will settle for any relationship just to keep from being alone. Know your worth. Put value in it, believe in it. Settling is for dust! I may have gotten a little off topic here, but I know quite a few people that need reminding of this.

Now, as far as a good comeback to people asking why are you single, simply say that you would like to be in a long-term relationship but you have yet to meet your Price Charming and you are waiting on someone that gives you butterflies. Tell them you are like a Disney princess and one day your prince will come. That seems more hopeful and whimsical than bitter and bitchy.

One more thing: If the guys you are talking to think being 30 is a bad thing, then quit dating boys and try dating a man! Good luck, Cassie.

Dear Cassie, I have seen a lot of guys wearing heels lately … not performing or anything, just more fashion-wise. What is your take on guys wearing heels/men in heels thing? Thanks, Ralphie.

Dearest Ralphie, I think that guys, not drag queens, wearing heels is a mixed bag. On one hand, I think it is fabulously fierce. I love that so many people are being gender non-conformist. They have a feminine, almost feline, swag about them. It takes a confident mutherfucker to tip around in come-fuck-me pumps all night. I am noticing a lot of the younger generations are a little more gender fluid than some of the older peeps. They tend to have more open minds about fashion and even sexuality. Yet also tend to be more closed-minded and dismissive to anything established or considered old-school. I am basing this on just a few of the men in heels I know but not all of them are like that.

On the other hand, I like my men to act like men. I am attracted to masculinity but I’m not so closedminded to not see the appeal or beauty in it. Trust me, there are many men that find guys wearing heels hot! I look at it as just another way to express yourself. Who knows if it’s just a passing fad or a new fashion staple? We will see.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.

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This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition June 10, 2016.