Cassie has some ideas

cassie-novaHey, y’all. Have you ever had an idea of something that could possibly make you rich, or at least you thought, “This idea could change the world.” Cuz I have them all the time. Most of them are complete bullshit but some of them I think are pretty good. I have often thought when I see something new, “Why didn’t I think of that?” So I am going to share with y’all a few of my “genius” ideas. I figure I don’t have the drive or know-how to bring them to fruition, so maybe someone else can.

First idea: There needs to be an exercise app for your phone that shows Death creeping up behind you and the only way to get away from it is to run from it… who am I kidding? Walk. Like with a Fitbit or something. The motivation is seeing Death getting closer if you don’t move. The more you run, walk or exercise the further you are from Death. We all know that not exercising will make Death come for you sooner but if I actually saw the Grim Reaper zeroing in it might make my fat ass get in gear.

Second idea — and this is kind of a serious one: Since there are so many wildfires and they spread so quickly — you know, like wildfire — many homes get destroyed. My idea is a giant fireproof blanket to cover your home. If you are in a fire zone, or if a wildfire is headed your way, it seems like there should be a way to protect your house. Yes, I know it would be expensive, but can you put a price on not losing everything you own? I’m not smart enough to know if it’s even feasible, but in my mind there could be a company that sells them or rents them to folks in fire-prone areas. Even if it is just a crazy idea, who knows, maybe someone can figure out a way to make it work.

Final idea: A shower garbage disposal. I’m not saying who, but I know people that would buy one. Look at me, always trying to better the world. If someone uses one of my ideas and makes millions… you owe me.

Now onto helping even more people.

Dear Cassie, I’m a young 30-something gay man who is close to giving up on love. I’ve been catfished, used, stood up, overlooked, left hanging… the list goes on. My longest relationships never quite hit the one-year mark, each one ended by me because they were either emotionally uninterested, not who I saw myself with long-term or they were emotionally unstable. 

I’ve been in Dallas almost 10 years now; and while there are a plethora of gay men here, I haven’t really found many with whom I fit. Of course, I’ve had my fair share of tricks (who hasn’t?), but I’ve had zero luck in finding someone decent and interested. I’ve been working on me (mentally/physically/emotionally) for some time now. I have all the things someone my age should have (job, car, place, etc.), and I think I’m a great catch. However, I’m starting to give up on love. It’s easier to have a heart of stone than it is to think no one wants me. What should I do? Sincerely, Always Seeking Someone

Dear A.S.S., I am going to give you a bit of advice I wish someone would have given me years ago when I was single: Give up! Stop looking. Make yourself believe that you don’t need or want a partner. I know — it’s easier said than done. But have you ever heard someone say, “You find someone when you stop looking?” There is a lot of truth to that. I think it stems from coming off as desperate; and if you are always seeking someone, you might be mistaken for desperate. When you want nothing more than to have a boyfriend and be in a relationship, it’s easy for others to pick up on that and you end up settling for Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. And Mr. Right Now is always a mistake. He is usually a douchebag that treats you awfully but you allow it just so you feel like “at least someone likes me.”

I know that for me that was the truth. The thing that changed for me was a dog. For years I was bitterly single. I would go out all the time in hopes of meeting someone that could see past all the drag and bullshit and like me for me. I settled over and over for guys that were assholes just so I had someone to focus on, if only briefly. I know I came off as desperate. But when I got my first dog, Dax, I had a focus, I had a love. I had a man that needed and loved me unconditionally. He was my everything, so when it came to men, I didn’t care as much about having one. Yes, I still wanted a boyfriend but I wasn’t desperate for one. I wasn’t so lonely, so without really know it I had stopped looking and then bingo, Jamie and I started dating and have been together ever since.

If that is not the case for you and you don’t feel like you give off a desperate vibe, then change your routine. Go out someplace you don’t normally go. Smile at guys you like and talk to them. You don’t have to hide behind an app. Go old school and ask someone out. Never give up on love but maybe don’t put so much pressure on yourself to find it today!  Good luck, Cassie.

Dear Cassie, It’s been awhile since I’ve been out to see a show or even just go out for drinks. But I adventured out to the Rose Room a few weeks ago and it really reminded me of things that make me happy. Over the past couple years, I have tried to discover who I was and what I wanted my purpose to be. So I took a step back from everything and focused on my job. I then started the emotional and nightmarish roller coaster of finding myself. I thought I had tough skin, but when I didn’t feel support by those I felt close to me, I retreated. I felt like I had lost every friend and disappointed my family since they never want to visit or be a part of my world. I thought I had hit rock bottom. Slowly I’ve been taking breaths and stepping back into the life that once gave me happiness. So to make a long story short, I’m nervous of how people will react to the me that I have become. Any tips? Ways to keep a positive mindset? Sincerely, I hope they like me!

Dear IHTLM, First off I want to say congratulations on working on yourself. Bettering and finding yourself are always a good thing. If you know what makes you happy then you know more than most. If you know your purpose then put a plan in place to go after what you want. The problem a lot of people have is that if they don’t get what they want quickly they think the worst and sometimes stop going after what they want. If it is worth having, it is worth working for.

When it comes to your friends and family, make sure that you didn’t push everyone away while you were working on yourself. You can’t expect them to know your feelings if you don’t tell them. People are stupid and sometimes you need to tell them exactly what you want them to know. You can’t expect them to just know what you want. If you want them in your life more, invite them to do stuff with you but you have to be willing to do the same for them. Friendships and even family relationships go both ways. You have to be there for each other. Now, as far as how they will react to the new you, give them a chance. It’s still you. Get out of your head and pursue your happiness.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.

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This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition June 16, 2017.