Cassie gets serious about drug use
Good day, my lovelies. As I sit here, I reflect on this summer and boy, am I ready for cooler weather! We had the Pride Parade recently, and it was awesome, but bitch it was hot. The parade started about an hour late, something to do with the barricades. Where we were waiting, there was no shade at all. Thank God for my hot pink Dallas Voice Big Gay Fan. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Extreme heat and drag are not friends. They are, in fact, bitter enemies. Plus I got a little white trash sunburn on my arms from wearing a T-shirt in drag. It was very chic.
Could we please move Pride Weekend to October — or hell, how about January? Gays love being seen in cute sweaters or light jackets. I could dress as Elsa if it snows. But you know, there is always gonna be that overly-confident queen in a thong no matter the weather… who then complain when he gets pneumonia.
Imagine it: a Pride parade in the cold. Who am I kidding, a Pride parade in the cool would suffice … we are still in Texas. It would be like our own Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, but with drag queens instead of giant balloons, and spiked hot chocolate instead of bottled waters and Jell-O shots. Drag queens could wear even bigger hair for warmth. The go-go boys could wear cool body suits with the ass cut out. Parade watchers could wear those awesome onesies. Everyone dressed in their fiercest faux furs and tacky-ass fur-lined Uggs. A bonfire could be in the middle of the park that we all picnic around. We could add those chemical things that turn the fire a rainbow of colors. It would be awesome. Oh well, a girl can dream.
Now let’s help out some of y’all that took the time to write in to me.
Dear Cassie, I need some real advice. You have made jokes during your show about doing drugs years ago. Is that true? I have been on drugs for about six years now. I only do ice, and I only snort it, I never smoke it. My friends that do ice usually only do it on the weekend to party; I do it every day. I have to. My problem is that I have to have it every day just to have the energy to go to work. In a way, I wish it was more obvious that I am fucked up, but nobody ever thinks I am on drugs until I am not on them. I need them to function like a regular person. I work two jobs. I make good money, I pay my bills, sometimes late, but I always make sure I can buy drugs first. It has become so routine.
I don’t let anyone in my daily life know about my drug use. I go on dates with guys that ask if I do drugs, and I always say I don’t. I am ashamed of it. I even sent you this email from an address I just made up. I am scared I will eventually get busted or that my family will find out. When I am high, everything is great, but when I come down, I crash hard and get depressed. So I try to never really come down. I don’t know how I got to this point. I recently got a promotion at my main job because of my work ethic. I work a lot and know that without the drugs I wouldn’t be able to do that. I don’t know who I am anymore if I am not high. Being high is my normal, and I don’t know how to change. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous, Good lord, dude, you have a rough road ahead. First off, I wanna say that I make jokes usually from a place of truth. I did do drugs years ago. Recreational at first and then, like you, just to function. I, like you, was really good at hiding it. The thing that made me want to get clean was my husband. He didn’t know I was doing drugs, but I knew how he felt about them. I never wanted to disappoint him, so I quit. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. If it wasn’t for him I would for sure be dead. He saved my life without even knowing it. I didn’t tell him about any of my struggles with drugs until almost two years after I was off of them. He’s not stupid, he knew I was going through something but just made sure I felt loved during whatever it was. It was in the beginning of our relationship, so he just figured I get really moody sometimes.
Now let’s do some real talk. Don’t call it ice. It is crystal meth. Ice makes it seem like it’s some cutsie drug that won’t hurt you. Meth — even if you “just snort it” — will ruin you. You are hurting your body so much. (Did you see the mug shot last week of porn icon Matthew Rush?)
Now let’s call you what you are: You are a functioning addict … but you will not be able to function like that forever. I was stubborn and never asked for help and never went to a meeting. It took me a while, but when I set my mind to do something, I do it. I just wish I had set my mind to not do drugs sooner.
It is time for you to make a change. There is a light at the end of this, but I know right now you can’t even fathom being clean. Reach out to a support group, go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. You have to start somewhere. I think by sending me this email you have started your journey to be clean. You can obviously get drugs very easily if it has become so routine, so you need to change that. I would tell you to delete your dealer’s phone number now, but I bet you know it by heart.
Decide today “No more.” Take some time off from work to detox yourself. You are going to sleep a lot, but then you have to motivate yourself to get back to living. You need to see an actual counselor to see what steps work for you. See a doctor and be honest with them about your drug use. I have been through this, but there is no formula that works for everyone. Nothing could have made me stop doing drugs until I decided I was ready to quit. You need to decide that it is time to stop.
I think you will be surprised by how many people are going through very similar situations. You really are not alone. Start a dialogue with a friend or family member that you trust. It is time for you to shut the door on those friends that party. You don’t need the temptation. It’s time to start taking care of yourself.
For those of you that are reading this and think less of me for doing drugs in the first place, I got nothin’ for ya. I regret a lot of things I have done, but I needed to go through some of the harder things that have happened to me to know happiness when I saw it. I found a reason to get clean and I did it. I am proud of that. If you have never dealt with addiction, congratulations — you get a gold star. I am thankful for my journey and am happy to be alive.
My real advice for you, Anonymous, is know it’s time to stop using. You are strong enough to stop. Don’t doubt that. Push through the hard times. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Find someone that you can talk to about this, someone that can motivate you. The tiredness and depression will eventually pass if you work at it. Be patient but push yourself. You can do this! I’m always here for advice if you ever need it. Good luck my friend, and keep me posted on your progress.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.
If you have a question of comment, email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition September 29, 2017.