Hello, all. If you are reading this, I guess you survived another Thanksgiving and finally woke from your food coma. I freakin’ love Thanksgiving. It’s like a free day to eat whatever you want to with no guilt and the calories don’t count on that one day. It’s like magic.
I come from a family of really great cooks and I am one of them. Not to toot my own horn (toot toot), but Thanksgiving at my house is great. And after cocktails and the tryptophan kick in, you know you are gonna get some good sleep, too. I never feel so rested as I do after I wake up from my first nap on Thanksgiving Day… I wake up and eat summore.
Most years, it’s not a tradition or anything like that but maybe it should be: We go around the table and say what we are thankful for. In the moment I always say the basics: I’m thankful for my friends, my animals, my health, blah blah blah. So I want to take this opportunity to say some of the overlooked things I am always thankful for but rarely acknowledge.
1.My husband and feeling loved, of course.
2. Sleeping the whole night through without having to get up to pee.
3. The wobbly and weak legs you get after great sex.
4. When the cable, internet and DVR are all working correctly.
5. Electric blankets when it is cold.
6. A pair of drag tights you can wear for weeks without getting a run in them.
7. Lipstick that doesn’t stain. I can’t tell you how many times I have left the club looking like I just drank a gallon of Kool-Aid.
8. Hot pickles! For some it’s chocolate; I likes me some hot pickles!
9. A freshly styled wig that all you have to do is put it on. Like a hat but fishier.
10. A clean toilet seat. No drops of anything.
11. Tito’s! Sometimes Vanilla Crown Royal and Coke Zero.
12. Solid pup poops when doing poop patrol in the backyard.
13. Healthy and happy animals.
14. Ellen DeGeneres comedy album Taste This. Actually, just Ellen in general.
15. Kelly Clarkson… she knows why.
16. Having a variety in my celebrity spank bank, from Henry Cavill, Jai Courtney and Jason Momoa to randos like Paul Adelstein, Tyler Labine and the “That Didn’t Suck” guy from the Carvana commercial.
17. Not being stuck in traffic. If I can get to work without constantly hitting my breaks, I almost cry.
18. A drama free weekend. I work in gay bars so those are rare.
19. A reliable vehicle. I know so many without one and I do not want their struggle. Bless ’em.
20. A great book!
I know a lot of these things are stupid to some of you but to me they can turn a bad day into a reason to continue living. You already knew I was dramatic. Still thankful, though.
Now let’s show that I’m thankful to have a job by doing it … Let’s help some folks!
Hello Cassie, I am writing you because lately I feel like I am doing my best to save a marriage that I held at a higher caliber than my spouse. We have had an extreme series of ups-and-downs with faults that can be equally shared in our past, but it seems like the circle is everlasting and there is no seeming way to compromise unless I tuck tail and accept all the blame.
I tend to find myself lately believing I am the one to blame because I have tolerated so much. I guess my question to you is where do I go from here? I love my spouse so much it hurts but I feel nothing but cold rigid distance, and it’s messing with me mentally to the point I am taking prescribed anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds daily. I am literally at a loss and I am doing my best to understand where he is coming from but when I do get a chance to express myself my ideals are constantly challenged and I feel I am not being heard.
Cassie, I am running on fumes physically and mentally trying to save something that I feel I am the only one fighting for. Any helpful tips you may have to get him to come around would be beneficial! Thank you, Signed Stressed Out in South Dallas.
Dear SOSD, First off, I wanna say this sounds like a shitty situation. It seems like you are doing all of the work and you just want him to do his part to make the relationship work. A health relationship should be 50/50. Anything less that and things quickly become strained.
That being said, there are two sides to every story. If he wrote in to me to ask advice, what would his letter say? Are you tuned into him enough that you would know this or can you only see as far as your anxiety lets you? I assume he knows you are on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. Is he the only reason you take them or does he just exacerbate your situation.
Just because you have tolerated things in the past does not mean you have to keep tolerating them, especially if they are hurtful to you. Have you thought of taking a break? Like maybe go visit family for a few days to see if he misses you. Do you two ever actually talk about anything real? Does he know how you are feeling or are you keeping all this bottled up inside just expecting him to notice you are upset? If that is the case, I have news for you: men are stupid and if you are waiting for or expecting him to notice something, you will be an old homo before that happens.
Fault and blame are a never ending game that will always ruin a relationship. Try to start a dialogue to help you both get out how you are feeling. Settle for nothing less than you both putting in 100 percent into your relationship. If he can’t do this or is unwilling to try, it might be time to walk away. It will hurt but so will staying in a relationship that is slowly breaking your spirit. Good luck!
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be thankful and fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.