Things to be grateful for

It’s another beautifully fucked up day in America. Between all of the abortion drama, the death of Grumpy Cat and me stubbing my toe on the metal post of my bed, I feel like I want to punch the wall. Negativity everywhere you look. Shitty people being awful to others.

But not today Satan! Today I am going to force myself into a good mood if it kills somebody. I am going to fake smile and grit my teeth like I am on meth. I am going to happily click-clack these keyboard keys with purpose. I might even shake my weenie at my husband. Anything to keep myself in a good mood. This world we live in can be rough, but if we make a conscious effort to be happy, most of the time it works.

I’ve had a lot of reasons to be happy this week. I saw Miss Saigon. It was a fabulous production. If you get a chance to see it, you gotta. The ending is heartbreaking, but the songs are so freakin’ good. I was a crybaby through part of it, but I was still joyful just getting to experience it again. I saw it years ago and told my husband if it ever toured again, I wanted him to see it. It’s nice to share something you love with someone you love, and it’s even better when they love it, too.

My ridiculous herd of doggies make me smile every day. I have one, a Pomeranian that weighs 5 pounds but thinks he weighs 500 pounds. He thinks he is such a badass and that he runs the world, and the other dogs just let him think it. I have one that had a few teeth removed a few months ago, and now when he smiles, he has the most adorable gap-toothed grin. I can’t stand it! It’s so cute.

I smiled at the fabric store the other day buying some sickening fabric for a dress I had made to emcee the talent portion of the Miss Gay USofA Pageant. This is the 34th year of this pageant.

That is an amazing legacy. I feel very lucky to be asked back to emcee such a prestigious event.

Another thing that really made me smile this week…? We bought a boat! We don’t have it yet, because it is coming direct from the factory, but we will have it in a few weeks. What really makes me happy about this is how excited my husband is to get his new toy. He works really hard, and I’m so grateful to be in a place in our lives that he can have the boat he has always wanted. I can’t wait to get out on the water and turn my translucent pale skin into bright red leather.
Now let’s hope to spread the cheer by helping out a few other folks.

Dear Cassie, I hope I don’t sound like a complete bitch for saying this, but one of my really good friends is getting fat. I do not have a problem with him gaining weight at all, except he is really letting himself go and becoming so unhealthy. I don’t know how to start a conversation with him about it. He told me he has grown out of most of his clothing, and the new shirts and vests he recently bought, in a larger size, are already looking tight. The buttons on his shirts look like they are screaming and barely holding on. I care deeply for my friend and don’t know how I can help him. Do you have any advice for me? Thanks, Dennis.

My dearest Dennis, You sound like a skinny bitch. I hope you are not one of those people that can eat whatever they want and not gain a bit of weight. If you are a skinny bitch, have one of your thicker friends talk to your friend for you.

As someone whose weight fluctuates from thick to really thick to just fat, I feel for your friend. Getting older, your metabolism slows down to a crawl, and you don’t have the energy to do shit, and you find yourself in a weight gain spiral that is hard to get out of. You want to get motivated, but some days you just can’t.

If you really want to help your friend, invite him to go on a bike ride or a walk. Invite him over and make a really good low calorie dinner. Grilled fish and grilled vegetables are healthy and really easy to make.

The truth is, your friend won’t change, what he is doing until he wants to change but a good friend can provide motivation. Be that good friend without feeling the need to shame him. If you are truly good friends, you should be able to talk to him and open a conversation that helps. Let him know you are worried about him, and ask him what you can do to help. Offer to work out with him. Use it as an excuse to look at guys. Motivation comes in many forms.

Gay culture makes it extra hard to be overweight, and confidence can be zapped with one wrong word. So choose your words wisely, and be the friend I know you can be.

Good luck and remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.

Miss Gay USofA final at South Side Ballroom on May 24. Doors open at 6 p.m.