Cassie takes un-Belize-able vacation
Hello, er’body. About a year ago, two of my best friends went to Belize to visit some other friends who had a house built there, right on the beach. They came back with such an infectious enthusiasm for the tropical paradise that we almost immediately started planning a big group vacation. I think that by February or March we already had the trip planned and nearly paid for. There were nine of us going but it was surprisingly easy to coordinate with our whole group so excited for the trip. The hardest part was waiting until September, for our big Belize Labor Day vacation!
I was a little nervous about the trip. I’ve never really been outside of the U.S. Belize is in Central America, and technically considered South America but I was going to get out of my head and enjoy whatever came my way. I have to say, Belize was awesome. It is breathtakingly beautiful, the people were lovely, the food great and everything was surprisingly cheap.
We took two planes and rented a huge van to get from Belize City to Hopkins, about a three-hour drive. The drive through the mountains and rainforest was crazy beautiful. We kept thinking that a T-rex or other dinosaurs were going to pop out from behind the trees. It seriously looked that much like a Jurassic Park movie… until it got dark, then it got a little creepy. The roads there are not the best. There were long stretches of perfectly paved roads with a surprise speedbump every once in a while.
There is an Eli Roth horror movie called The Green Inferno where a group of American do-gooders strap themselves to bulldozers in the Amazon rainforest to try to stop deforestation and end up getting eaten by the cannibal natives. It’s super gory. I kept thinking that if this van breaks down, we gonna get ate! So every time I started to get too into my head about something stupid, I would tell my brain, “I can always out stupid you with something even more stupid!” I would sing Baby shark do do do do do do. If you don’t know the “Baby Shark” song, you are lucky. It will get stuck in your head and you won’t be able to think of anything else. So, dark creepy road = Baby shark do do do do…
We stayed next door to our friends that live at the Rising Sun. It is a resort-esque house owned by the nicest couple you could ever meet. The house is huge and had its own beach with a two-story dock complete with a hammock for relaxin’. By the time we got to the house on the first day, it was already dark and on the dock over the ocean you could see so many stars that it took your breath away. They handed us a drink as soon as we got there. It was called a Panty Ripper — sounds gross but tasted amazing. Pineapple juice and local coconut rum.
Speaking of drinking, they have a local beer called Belikin. We loved it, so with nine of us on this trip, we went through 12 cases of Belikin and 27 bottles of liquor. That’s a normal amount, right? Bloody Marys for breakfast, Panty Rippers for lunch and beer all day… that sounds about right. We are not alcoholics… Baby shark do do do do do do.
On five of our seven days we went on excursions: fishing, snorkeling, cave tubing, zip lining and snorkeling again. We crammed as much fun and adventure into this trip as we possibly could. In case you hadn’t heard, because I tell everyone, I caught a fucking shark when we went fishing. It was only a nurse shark but it was between five and six feet long. Luckily our fabulous boat captain let it go before it could be pulled into the boat to terrorize our poor friend Tyler. Tyler’s terrified scream when a fish would get pulled into the boat might be my absolute favorite thing that happened in Belize. Sorry, Tyler, but you was funny as fuck.
We snorkeled every chance we got. Our first trip out, we swam with a sea turtle. If you know me, you know what a big deal that was. Our entire group swam with a sea turtle; it was awesome. Our friend who lives in Belize has gone snorkeling hundreds of times and said that was the first time he has ever seen a sea turtle while snorkeling. It was fate — I like to think that Miss Turtle showed up just for us.
Since I was a kid, I have had a huge fear of sharks. When we were snorkeling, I would be totally fine underwater. It was so peaceful and beautiful. Bobbing above the waves I would have these mini panic attacks, and believe it or not that stupid “Baby Shark” song would help me. Every time the Jaws theme would pop in my head, “Baby Shark” would override it. If I started to think about a megalodon, I would “Baby Shark” it and be filled with a ridiculousness that helped me get out of my head and really enjoy myself.
Cave tubing was very cool. It is exactly what you think it is: You on a big tire inner tube with a helmet with a light on it, bobbing through an underground labyrinth. It was a little bit scary —I see waaayyy too many horror movies. I kept thinking those creatures from the movie The Descent were gonna be around the next corner or climbing the walls above us. I figured so long as I wasn’t in the very front or the very back I would be fine, so I paddled like a bitch to keep myself somewhere in the middle.
Our guide told us that the caves were used by the Mayans years ago for bloodletting rituals. Their priests would go into the caves and cut themselves and once they lost enough blood they could communicate with their gods. They saw the caves as a passageway to the underworlds. I saw them as spooky as fuck. Plus it was a workout. The first half we paddled against the flow of water for quite a while. The second half we just floated and bobbed along and enjoyed the ride. Sometimes our guide would have us turn off our lights and just sit in total darkness. “Baby Shark!!!” It really was cool though, I’m so glad we did it.
I don’t want you all to think that the entire trip was absolute perfection. Have you heard of sargassum? We were calling it stargasm, cuz you know… gays. Anyhoo, sargassum is a seaweed that grows way off in the ocean and because of global warming is growing out of control. Pieces of it, huge pieces, break off and float to the coasts. Some days the beaches would be covered in it, other days, not so much. The biggest problem with it is that once it hits the shore it starts to decay, releasing sulfur. So the entire trip, every once in a while you would smell farts. Most of the time, there was a breeze and the wind would flush away that farty smell, but inland everywhere… farts.
Then on the last day in Belize, I got food poisoning. Every restaurant we ate at was a small family owned place with a four-burner stove and tables in the sand. The one time we ate at a “fancy” restaurant I got sick.
Seriously, it was coming out of both ends and I may or may not have left a pair of underwear somewhere in Belize. But even with that happening and the sometimes farty smell, it was one of the best times I have ever had in my life. I have some of the best friends in the world and we made memories that will be with us forever. You betta Belize it!
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova
