No sex until your wedding day? Are you insane?
Hello, all! Can you believe that it is already December? 2017 is just weeks from being over. This past Thanksgiving night was my 24th anniversary working in the Rose Room. Where has the time gone? It seems like just a few years ago I was a skinny little boy in a dress, but it was more than two freakin’ decades ago!
Picture it: Thanksgiving, Corsicana, 1993. I was enjoying a nice holiday with my family. I didn’t have a car at the time so my momma picked me up from my apartment in Dallas the day before. I spent the day helping my ma and grandma in the kitchen but made sure my mother knew I was starting a new job that night at the club and it was ever-so-important that I not miss my first day. She had no idea I was going to be doing drag, otherwise she probably would have handcuffed me to a tree and kept me in Corsicana.
I was excited about my first-ever paid booking in the Rose Room. Rachael Masters, the show director at that time, had started a new show on Thursday nights called New Kids: The Next Generation, and she booked me to work every other week. It featured a rotating cast of girls like Kourtney Wells, Kristina Kross, Jennifer Adams, Paige Saxon and Courtney DeVayne. I was definitely the youngest. I had only been doing drag for about a year at the time, so some of the other girls thought I should still be doing talent night and wasn’t ready for primetime. I had a lot to prove, and I guess I did.
At about 2:30 that afternoon, the weather took a turn, and it started to lightly mist, which turned into a light drizzle, which turned into sleet, which turned into a full-fledged ice storm. My mom said, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to get you home tonight, the roads are getting bad.” I was like, “Tha hell you say! I gots to gets to my job tonight.” She was like, “Just call them, I am sure they will understand.”
I was freaking out. Nobody understood why it was so important for me to get to my new job.
Then like a knight in shining armor, my pawpaw said, “I’ll take ya.” He had this big-ass Cadillac that acted as our noble steed for the night. So angry mother, my awesome grandfather and I got in the car for a two-and-a-half-hour drive to Dallas. It should have only taken about an hour, but the roads were really bad at this point. He white-knuckled us through the ice storm like a champ. We fishtailed a few times and drove in silence to let him concentrate, but we made it.
I thanked them and hugged them both and they started their horrible trek back through the killer ice storm of ’93. They knew they had to call me the second they got home. I started to get in drag and waited anxiously for the phone to ring. My stomach was in knots waiting to hear if they got home safely or if I was the absolute most awful person in the world making them drive though all of that sleet and ice.
Back then, it took me damn near three hours to get into drag. I have no idea why it took so long — I only had one shade of blush, and I used it on my eyes, ears, nose and throat. I put that shit everywhere. I had no idea what I was doing. I got all of my costumes together, my music (cassette tapes) and both of my wigs. I literally only had two decent wigs at the time. I packed my drag bag and waited in full drag by the phone. I was not going to leave to go to the club until I knew for sure they were home safe.
Finally, with only about 40 minutes until showtime, my mother called. I thanked her over and over and told her to tell pawpaw that he was the best. She said, “You are welcome now get your ass to work and don’t be late.”
I only lived a few blocks from the Rose Room, so I put on my sneakers and my big coat and ran to the bar, only falling and busting my ass three times.
It ended up being an awesome night. Everyone that was booked that night made it, and we actually had a decent-sized crowd. Not even an ice storm was going to keep the gays from going out to drink after a day with the family. All thanks to my pawpaw, who somehow knew how important that job was going to be for me. I sure do miss that man.
Now for some wisdom served with a side of B.S.
Dear Cassie, My boyfriend and I have recently gotten engaged. We have been together for about 10 months and are planning our wedding for May. After he proposed, he got down on one knee and everything — it was very romantic. We decided we were not going to have sex again until after we are married. We want to make our wedding night special. I am just worried we won’t be able to go that long without doing it. We basically live together and usually sleep in the same bed. I just want our wedding night to be extra-special and think that not having sex again until that night could be worth it. Do you think this is something we can do, or is it weird? Thanks, Blue Balls till May aka Alex.
Dearest BBtM aka Alex, This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Let me tell you why. Having sex with someone you love is the best thing ever. It is satisfying on many levels. The first few years of a relationship, the sex is almost nonstop if you are lucky. But here is my problem with you waiting: Once you are married or even in a relationship for a while, sex, can get put on the back burner. You need to fuck like bunnies while the heat and desire are at their max.
There will be a thousand reasons why you don’t have sex after you’re married: One of you is tired, the dogs are already on the bed, you wanna watch one more episode of whatever you’re binging, you had Indian or Mexican food for dinner so you know butt stuff is off the table. I’m not saying that sex becomes a chore, but you do sometimes have to plan it because it is what keeps you both close and satisfied.
It reinforces your bond.
Right now, everything is new and exciting. I say, do it every single time you see each other. Bang ’til your bone hurts. The fire and lust you have for each other will hopefully never go away, but, it will dim. Life is the biggest cockblocker so screw each other’s brains out while the fire is hot.
Your wedding night will be special because you have declared your love for one another. Don’t put so much pressure to make that night great. Great sex is more than just the anticipation of having it. Y’all ain’t nothing but mammals, so do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.
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