OK, so my FB (Facebook, you perv) friend Daniel Cates statused himself from the State Fair: “Fed a yak” he said. That sounded like sex code to me, like choking the chicken or strangling the weasel. So, I vandalized his profile page and started a game: Things you can actually do at the fair that sound like sex code. For instance: “Licking the mustard off a footlong.”

But then I figured, why let Daniel’s friends (and his stat counter) steal all the best gay gags? So I put it to you, our readers who can’t get out of the office this beautiful Friday, to come up with dirty sounding (but completely legit) activities at the fair.