If time is money, then it certainly ought to be displayed in a fetching frame. With a watch from Fashion Optical on your wrist, you’ll have that gorgeous stranger across the room sliding up to you to ask for the time. Coyly hold up your hand-made piece and tell him you have all the time in the world. $85.
Available at Fashion Optical
3430 Oak Lawn Ave.
Keying your ex’s car is so 2012. What’s the point of getting that tacky red paint on your pretty key? And it can also be used as evidence at the trial. No, no. For safe revenge, get yourself a Dammit Doll, and the next time you don’t get your way, grab it by the legs and beat it against the wall while screaming, “Dammit!” They come in various sizes and colors, but you’ll need to hurry and buy one. We hear Speaker John Boehner ordered two dozen. $13.95–$29.95.
Available at IMAGE Eye Wear
4628 Oak Lawn Ave.
It’s easy to eat tons-o’-crap during the holidays, so a little health food (especially for the health-food nut on your list) can really keep the waistband in check. Locally-produced White Rock Granola makes small-batch trail mixes in four delightful flavors: orange-maple, C4 (cranberry, cashew, cayenne and cinanamon), choco-almond and the latest invention, Oh, Snap! (ginger, nutmeg, clove, pumpkin seeds and molasses — pictured). Girl, you know you like to snap!
Available at area Central Market stores
(10 oz. bag for $7.99) and at
WhiteRockGranola.com (5 oz. bags, 3/$10).
SO LONG, MUFFINTOP
CoolSculpting is the latest non-surgical way to lose love handles and trim the fat. This revolutionary technology targets and cools unwanted fat cells in the selected area to induce a noticeable, natural-looking reduction in bulges. Unlike most other methods of fat reduction, it involves no needles, surgery or downtime. It’s safe, FDA-cleared and effective. Results look natural and can be seen as early as three weeks following treatment, with the most dramatic results after one to three months. $700/area (discounts for multiple areas).
Available at De Novo
2603 Oak Lawn Ave.
In days of yore, knights would ensure the loyalty of their women with a chastity belt, designed to …. Ummm …. “impede” access to her nether regions. But how is the modern gay man to do the same with his partner while away? This novelty gift from Alternatives at New Fine Arts may have the solution. The Curve is designed to fit over your BF’s member, and only you have the key! Of course, putting it on and taking it off together is part of the fun! $149.95.
Available at Alternatives at New Fine Arts 1720 W. Mockingbird Lane.
Your face might not be the one that launched a thousand ships — yet — but it could be on the bottle that launches a ship. With a personalized label (make it of yourself and your significant other, your cat or whatever), that glass jug of hooch is transformed into a bottle of Chateau LaTour. The order is printed quickly, giving you plenty of time to touch up your face so it matches the glamour shot we know you’ll use on the labels. Go with the profile and diffused lens. $20-$27.
Two Corks and a Bottle
2800 Routh St., Suite 140.
On first glance, this knit sweater from Outlines looks like just another campy holiday jumper. Look closer, and you’ll see the naughty detail that makes it ideal for your friend with a cold metabolism but a warm sense of humor. This tipsy piece of winter wear combines the clever with the practical in a variety of styles and images. $74.
Outlines Men’s Wear,
3906 Cedar Springs Road.
No one does fragrance like Chanel, and we’re especially entranced by the scene for Bleu: Fresh, clean and sensual for today’s man. You can treat your sweetie to the large format 5.0 ($115), or for the guy on the go, the slim travel-sized version can be put in an airline carry-on and sail through the TSA line. It even comes with two refills! ($59)
Available at Dillards at NorthPark Center,
8687 N. Central Expressway and at Chanel.com.
Lets face it: The holidays are about relationships, and there’s no clearer way to make your intentions known than with a bottle of lube from Spunk. Available in a variety of styles and sizes, Spunk provides silken smoothness and long-lasting moisture in silicone and hybrid styles. It’s always nice to have this handy after a glass of eggnog. $8–$40.
For the traveler on your list who never remembers to bring a charger, or who goes internationally and can’t figure out adapters, ShaveTech has the solution. Its new electric razor is designed to give a close trim with a built-in charger — but not a two-pronged AC/DC charger, but a USB port. Yep, you can replenish your power by hooking it up to your laptop, so there’s never an excuse not to go into a meeting with smooth skin. Heck, you can even shave during the meeting! $29.99.
Available at ShaveTech.com.
It’s almost time to get warm by the fire and enjoy our version of winter, and a pair of Relaxed Fit Naven-Spencer shoes from Skechers are a great way to feel comfortable. Roomy in the toes, in casual styles with memory foam insoles, they’re ideal for cozying up on the couch.
Skechers NorthPark Center
8687 N. Central Expressway
or online at Skechers.com.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever — and why shouldn’t that apply to someone in your life? ESPA, the new high-end day spa at The Joule Hotel, is an ideal way to give your friend (and yourself) a day of luxury and relaxation (especially when the bustle of the holidays takes its toll). The elegant, all-new facilities include men’s and women’s wet areas, plus a co-ed pool, as well as an excellent menu of treatments, from full-body massages to refreshing facials. And after you get a rub-down, spend the remainder of your day lounging in the soothing, calm and beautifully appointed facilities (the fresh cookies are a nice touch, too).
ESPA,1530 Main St.
ESPA at the Joule
The holidays are a great time to give someone a book, but rather than guess his taste in the latest best-seller, why not find a coffee-table topic your special someone will really appreciate? New titles this season (from DK Press) for the nerd in your life include the new Doctor Who Character Encyclopedia and Marvel Year By Year: A Visual Chronicle, that puts fanboy heroes at the fore. If you’re giftee is slightly more rough-and-tumble, how about World Beer, a compendium of outstanding brewskis from the four corners of earth. Range from $16.99 up.
Available at Amazon.com
and other booksellers.
With marriage equality expanding like wildfire, you’ve run out of excuses not to propose to your significant other. Why not do it over the holidays? These matching, masculine Triton wedding bands from Fuller’s Jewelry represent a beautiful way to turn the holidays into an anniversary. In tungsten silver with single or multiple diamonds. $550–$850.
Available at Fuller’s Jewelry,
15164 Marsh Lane. 972-484-7581.
If you’re going to kick ass, you’re going to need some kick-ass shoes. You just zip up and go to town in the Coltrane shoe. The laceless design offers a casual look, but in this day of wearing sneakers with black tie, they’ll work anywhere with anything. The soft inside lining will keep you comfortable during those long walks down the red carpet or during the hours posing at the stand-and-model bars. Don’t say you don’t. Switch it up between red, black and blue, each for $55.
Available at GBXShoe.com.