Finding support to keep going
One year ago, on Feb. 24, 2017, my life changed forever.
Before bed, I kissed my sweet husband goodnight before going into the living room so as not to bother him as he slept.
“Good night. I love you,” we both said, as we did every night.
The next morning I woke to find he had passed away during the night.
The next few months were a blur. The subsequent year went by both too slowly and too quickly. Those of you who have experienced a great loss know what I mean.
My life has changed, and it has scared the hell out of me. I am a creature of habit and crave consistency. But I’ve persisted, and I’ve adapted, and I am living the best life I can — thanks in no small part to my family, especially my sister, Megan Bozarth, who has been my rock, my friends old and new, and my colleagues.
I used to joke with El Tommy that if he died, I’d just become an old Italian widow and wear black and go to church every day, because I really didn’t know how I’d go on. He said if I did that, he’d haunt me and make my life hell.
Those of you who knew my husband know that he did not make idle threats.
He wanted me to live my life, changed and evolved and better for having had him be in it for 15 years. I’ve tried to do this.
I am thankful to Legacy Counseling, who provided much-needed help in the initial stages of my loss. In my grief, I realized there was no outlet to share with others. With the help of others who have lost their same-sex spouses, I started an LGBTQ Grief/Loss and Support Group in Dallas.
I know it’s helped me; hopefully it is helping others and will continue to do so. I think Tommy would appreciate the use of my energy in that way. I’ve made new friends, who have been patient and kind while I reminisce about a person they know only through my stories. I know Tommy would like that.
Cesare Pavese said, “We do not remember days; we remember moments,” and that is true. It’s the little things that trigger a memory — a smell, a song, a sense — and it’s these I’ve learned to remember and reflect on and embrace. Sometimes it’s a sad one, but most are not; most are the happy moments, the silly moments, the private joke moments.
As I said at his memorial, for those of you in relationships, take a moment and think of the happiest you have been with your partner, and TELL them that. Tell them you love them, frequently and honestly.
To those of you NOT in relationships, allow yourself to be open. I was so anti-relationship and determined to remain an independent single person I almost let Tommy slip by. I am so happy I did not. My life has been so much richer because I allowed myself moments of vulnerability.
I have learned, especially in the past year that most people, given the chance, are good. And that is something Tommy would appreciate.
If you have lost your same-sex spouse or partner through death, please feel free to contact me at Raymond.email@example.com for more information about the D/FW Grief/Loss and Support Group. We meet every other Tuesday from 6:45-8 p.m. at the Oak
Lawn Branch Library.
Supporting Ed Meier
As a single father and a member of the LGBTQ community, I’m proud to support Ed Meier in the 32nd Congressional District, Democratic Primary.
The reason I’m supporting Ed is simple: my son, Marco. When I came to Texas nearly 15 years ago, I never thought I’d be able to live my dream of starting a family and being a dad. But my dream became a reality because brave people stepped up, rolled their sleeves up and engaged their community.
Now I want to ensure he grows up in a society that works for everyone. And that’s why I’m excited about this race.
It’s rare we find a candidate who lives our values and who will fight for us. We have that in Ed.
As a devoted dad, Ed knows the challenges working parents face and will fight for the changes we need. Most personal to me, Ed has shown up for the LGBTQ community, standing side-by-side in our fight for equal rights. I know that when elected, Ed will fiercely protect our rights.
Our community needs a champion, and I believe we’ve found our champion in Ed to take us over the top in November.
Please join me in supporting Ed Meier on March 6.
Morgan W. Cox III
Partner, Marquis Group