There were few peaks and too many valleys in Sandra Bernhard‘s midnight gig at the Rose Room on Saturday. For the most part, she played it too safe — not nearly enough blistering rants.

Dressed in vintage Azzedine Alaïa, Bernhard got a couple of shots in about Laura Bush and the eight dull years of the former first lady’s fashion sense — because Laura’s big ass couldn’t squeeze into any chic ensembles.

Speaking of asses, she mentioned Marisa Tomei’s chances of a second Oscar win — only if the award was for playing a stripper, whose ass still had some oomph.

After a half-hour, Bernhard began complaining that she was being drowned out by the thumping disco coming from S4, and she started singing a capella. An audience member shouted a request.

“What are you saying — ‘Investor?'” Bernhard asked. “Restaurant?”

“Oh, ‘Sylvester!” Bernhard finally grasped before going into a mini-clap-along of “Mighty Real.”

Then she started reciting from a magazine article … And that’s when the S4 dance floor started luring audience members away.

After 50 minutes, Bernhard bid farewell. The gig would have been funnier if — instead of reading a magainze — Bernhard read us all to filth. Or told us what makes her seethe with anger. She seemed more focused on taking it easy.

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