IrvingSince Saturday, five earthquakes have hit Irving. Most people are blaming fracking and are overlooking the obvious cause.

When Human Rights Campaign released the latest Municipal Equality Index earlier this month, five cities received a score of zero. Irving was among them.

So Irving receives a zero MEI rating and then is hit by five earthquakes.

As we all know, gays cause tornadoes, hurricanes and terrorist attacks. Well, we also cause earthquakes and until Irving adds some nondiscrimination protections, the earthquakes in that city will continue.

This is not the first time the gays have warned that city about its refusal to include the LGBT community in its policies. The Cowboys didn’t move to Arlington because Irving wouldn’t build Jerry Jones a new stadium. The Cowboys moved because of da  gays.

Look Irving. We know you don’t have many gays working for your city government. That’s obvious when you drive down Airport Freeway, the ugliest expanse of highway in Texas. No gay person would have ever allowed that abomination in his city. But you do have LGBT residents and it’s time to stop being a bunch of blathering bigots and pass some protections.

Hell, you were named after Washington Irving, a gay man, so let’s get with it.

And when it comes to those earthquakes, let’s stop trying to use science to point fingers at the innocent fracking industry and put the blame where it belongs — on the gays — and yes, we’re that powerful. Or, to paraphrase Joan Crawford: Don’t fuck with us fellas.