We watched that dunderheaded surfer dude, Fabio — the nickname for Jud Briza — win the latest installment of Survivor: Nicaragua and thought, “Not the smartest penny in the piggy bank. And he wants to be an actor! Doing what?” Well, apparently the answer is: a gay horror-slasher chickenfest. The trailer, which features Fabio and other lightly muscled twinks walking around in their tighty-whities, weilding knives and playing grab-ass by the pool. 1313: Nightmare Mansion looks dreadful, and Fabio looks terrible in it.

But, yeah, we’ll probably Netflix it when we can. You know, for research.