After taking off a week for Thanksgiving, Brandon James Singleton is back with his countdown to turning age 30. This week: He looks at what it means to have security in one’s life … and sees it’s not necessarily what he expected.
I’m trying to think of a song that can perfectly describe what I’m wanting to say. I mean, come on Katy Perry — you have one for everything from extra terrestrials to fireworks. You must have one for me.
I simply want some security. I wanna know that everything I’m doing now will lend to the goal of not having to worry when I’m retired in my villa off the island of St. Bart’s. OK, maybe I’ve been watching a few too many Real Housewives. But ultimately, I just want to know that my husband Mario Lopez and I, along with our eight offspring, will live comfortably and happy.
Right now, my savings account is sorta non-existent. Times are hard. Ya dip once. Ya dip twice. And ya go back a third time, and realize, ya should’ve stopped at once.
So I suppose it’s time to re-activate that account. But what’s gonna keep me from just repeating the same mistakes of my past? I mean, if Lindsay Lohan can’t even do it, is there hope for the rest of us?
I couldn’t sleep at all a few nights ago. And while doing my normal Facebook insomniac rituals, my friend Charles IM’d me. Charles played my father in a little show in D.C. a long time ago. I hadn’t seen him for years, so we ended up hopping on Skype.
Unfortunately, my camera wouldn’t work right off the bat. But thankfully, seven minutes later, after putting in my contacts, brushing my teeth, throwing product in my hair, and changing into a V-neck that would enhance my pecs, my camera magically starting working. Imagine the odds.
So he’s off in Shanghai doing what he refers to as his last show. He’s been with his current partner for four years now, and hates being away from him for long periods, and decided it was time to be done with the traveling gigs. Said he was up for a full time teaching position next fall anyway. I asked what he was going to do financially until then. Living off love is great and all, but hell, a girl’s gotta eat. And he tells me how he actually made the decision a year back and had been saving up some.
Now, the Charlie I knew had a weekly habit of a venti caramel frapp at the mall, leaving with a few bags from Express and even more from Banana. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that having changed. He said he found a new addiction that sort of outweighed the old.
His partner. His love for this guy was enough to make him want to change his ways.
I asked what his partner was doing for him in return. First, he said he loves him like no other and has been supportive and patient with Charlie as he’s continued to pursue his dreams. But also — and catch his choice of words — he says he’s never felt as safe and secure with anyone as he has with him.
If we were in an episode of PeeWee’s Playhouse, a big flashing sign would pop out of the wall along with sirens and talking furniture screaming that someone said the magic word.
I asked him to elaborate on what he meant by security. I kept waiting for the answer as too how they’ve secured their future financially. But it never came. As he continued to explain, I started realizing his security didn’t lie in a wallet, but in their faith.
Charlie said they’re both still working and saving up, but when it comes down to it, if they didn’t believe in each other and that everything was going to work out the way it was supposed too, then it wouldn’t. They’d always have to live around money to solve problems. But because they were basing their future on their faith and each other, that would always be what they came back too when dealt with a situation in the future.
Hmmm. I get it. It’s like one-sided friendships I’ve felt I’ve had in the past. Extremely close or not, I’ve always been one of those people who says, if you need to talk or you’re in a situation, whatever the reason, call me no matter what time of night. I don’t care. And many have taken me up on it. Granted, a couple have been some random drunk dialing. But even then, I’d rather you be on the phone with me, than off putting yourself in some bad situation you can’t take back.
But along the way, I started noticing a little trend with a few. I always made myself available, but the rare times I would possibly have something on my mind, and need to share or vent, some either were never available or almost seemed as if I was inconveniencing them.
If I placed myself in that position, some would always keep me just in that position. Wouldn’t hear from you when the good stuff or the exciting things in the pm hours were taking place, but 3 a.m. and I’m depressed. Let’s call Bdogg for a pep talk and advice … besties. I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to move ahead, yet always coming back to the same problem.
So, I’m taking Charles’ advice. It’s all about faith. In regards to everything in life. Careers, love, friendships, etc. I have to relax and put a little more faith in the choices and decisions that make, and know that they’re all apart of some devine path to a successful future.
And, well, if all else fails, we’ll just dip into Mario’s residuals from the ’90s. Hey, look at that. Found my song after all: “It’s alright, ‘Cause I’m saved by the bell.”
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