With Michelle Obama’s charge to combat childhood obesity, all eyes are on commercially prepared foods that are possible contributors to our roly-poly youth. Manufacturers of high-fat, high-sugar foods are now hot to boost their nutritional profiles to justify their existence in the cupboards of today’s family.

So it was no surprise when I started seeing commercials touting colorful, sugar-laden breakfast cereals traditionally aimed at kids — Trix, Cocoa Puffs, and of course, Lucky Charms — to say they are “Whole Grain Guaranteed,” suggesting they are a significant source of fiber and wholesome goodness.

I turned to Kate and said WTF? I don’t eat cereals regularly; occasionally I will get a craving for Lucky Charms, so I’ll get a small box and get it out of my system. I can only eat a small bowl at a time, since it is so sweet. I don’t know how kids can ingest this and not bounce off of the walls once they are in the classroom. This sh*te is dessert, not part of a balanced breakfast.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having the magically delicious cereal if you realize what you are eating. This is not Kashi, Fiber One, Grape Nuts or Shredded Wheat. If you want fiber, you’ll eat that. If you have the jones for trash food, you reach for the box with the Leprechaun on it.

Now General Mills marketers must be on crack if they think that they can convince moms that Cocoa Puffs is akin to chocolate-flavored Metamucil for kids. Look at that nutritional label for Lucky Charms, lol (it’s a ONE cup serving size, by the way). FOURTEEN grams of sugar? That’s rocket fuel for a child. So what that they spray some vitamins on it, that doesn’t mitigate the nutritional disaster in a box.

That’s why it should be considered a dessert, not a breakfast food. In the context of the impact on your diet of substituting that for say, a hot fudge sundae, then yes, a bowl of Lucky Charms with some skim milk is health food.

Q of the Day:

What foods do you see bogusly marketed as good for you?
Pam’s House Blend – Front Page