Could there be a loonier legislator in Oklahoma than Sally Kern? Why yes, yes there can

While Sally Kern takes the prize for lunatics in the Oklahoma House of Representatives, the title of most bat-shit crazy state senator was up for grabs. Until now.

Sen. Ralph Shortey

Sen. Ralph Shortey, a Republican who represents parts of Oklahoma City, has introduced a bill in the Oklahoma Senate to ban the use of human fetuses in food. Yes, all of you fetus-eating fanatics, you won’t be able to munch on all those aborted babies if Sen. Shortey has anything to say about it, according to the Daily Oklahoman.

Shortey said he introduced the bill because of something he read on the Internet. According to Shortey, Pepsi was using parts of aborted babies as a flavor-enhancement. Mmmm-mmmm.

This isn’t Shortey’s first round of irrational legislation.

One bill he filed in the last session of the Legislature would have denied Oklahoma citizenship to children of illegal immigrants born in the state. Exactly what is “Oklahoma citizenship”? Possibly no Oklahoma passports would be issued to them. However, the U.S. Constitution grants U.S. citizenship to anyone born in this country. Can you be a U.S. citizen in only 49 states? Well, maybe. After all, you can be legally married in some and can cross a state line and suddenly not be married.

And here’s a big surprise — Shortey is a “birther.” In another piece of failed legislation, a presidential candidate would have to provide proof of citizenship to be placed on an Oklahoma primary ballot.

He also introduced bills to eliminate the Court of Criminal Appeals, to confiscate the cars and homes of illegal immigrants, and to allow legislators to carry firearms anywhere in the state, including on the floor of the Senate and House.

—  David Taffet

Bill would protect gun-toting fetuses from prosecution in South Dakota

Rep. Phil Jensen

A bill to expand the definition of justifiable homicide was scheduled to be debated in the South Dakota House of Representatives today. The proposal is to allow murder if it happened while resisting an attempt to harm a fetus.

Supporters say the bill would prevent harm to the unborn, according to the Rapid City Journal. Unfortunately, harm will probably come to the born.

“This is a bill that will provide self-defense for the unborn child,” said Rep. Phil Jensen, the bill’s Republican sponsor.

Well, not really — not unless the fetus has a weapon or knows karate, since self-defense is when people protect themselves. Should a gun-toting fetus practice self-defense, chances are the mother would be severely injured, unless the fetus has learned to shoot directly out the vagina. Jensen didn’t say whether the bill includes finding new parents for the newly orphaned infant.

—  David Taffet