Let’s say, hypothetically, that you wanted to become Virginia’s next governor and you want to find a way to stand out and get noticed. You could run on a job creation platform. You could promise to lower taxes. Or maybe even vow to improve public education.
But let’s face it. Those issues are boring. Voters have been there done that. Let’s think. There’s got to be something … wait, I’ve got it! If you really want to win, campaign on the promise to ban oral sex. Because if there’s one thing that people hate, it’s the scourge of fellatio and cunnilingus.
Haha. Just kidding. Who would ever run on such a platform?
Why, Ken Cuccinelli would, of course. And by Jove he will fight for your right to have only penile-vaginal intercourse, the way God intended. (And then, not incidentally, he will fight against your right to have an abortion, also because of God and Cuccinelli’s belief that he should be in charge of what goes in and comes out of Virginia’s vaginas.)
You see, Cuccinelli, who is currently Virginia’s attorney general and is running for governor, is campaigning hard and fast to keep Virginia’s sodomy law, which makes anal and oral sex a felony, on the books. The very type of law that was declared unconstitutional by the United States Supreme Court in the 2003 Lawrence v Texas ruling.
But that is just a pesky little detail.