Starvoice • 04.01.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYgraham-norton-pic-getty-image-2-629681157

Graham Norton turns 48 on Monday. The comedian and talk show host kills with The Graham Norton Show. Without the restraints of American TV, Norton is stomach-achingly hilarious as he puts celebrities on edge with his over-the-top humor. Especially when he chats them up about porn and bathroom humor.



After three weeks retrograde, Mercury is turning direct while conjunct Mars. New ideas to fix recent problems are coming too fast and furious. Think carefully to pick the truly effective ones. Both planets are opposing Saturn, so be careful not to blame but to work on better cooperation.


ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
Faith in yourself comes a little too easy. Find someone you trust for constructive criticism. You need that from them. Solving the challenges in a relationship is the test of true commitment.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
Knowing that you worry too much about your health doesn’t mean there aren’t problems. Focus on real pains and get them checked. Find the middle ground between worry and neglect.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Ideals should be beyond reach; goals should be within. Build castles on strong, solid foundations. Keep searching to discover what the future holds. Just don’t let it take up all your time now.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
Your brilliant ideas at work feel unappreciated at home. The lack of enthusiasm is because your talents are no surprise. Home support matters, but you have to explain specifics to get it.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Your brain’s afire with grand ideas, but they need grounding in practicality. Find an Aquarius who knows the field. If he or she says, “That won’t work,” ask how to make it work.

VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Sex without guilt is fine, but sex without responsibility is dangerous. Be clear on safety and life’s priorities. Cultivate a Puritan work ethic without getting hung up on prudery.

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
Holding down your partnership is a big mistake. It needs room to grow. That means allowing room to let your love do things you don’t like. Mutually agreeable limits may require compromise.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
An obsessive rush to push ahead can make you miss important details, cause foolish mistakes and make simple things more long and complicated. Breathe, focus and relax.

Those powerful creative impulses hit a wall. Take the challenge to improve upon an original idea and make it more practical and effective. If it was that good an idea, it’s worth the effort.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Domestic drama is a distraction from work you need to be doing. Harness that energy and get the folks at home to support you. That won’t be easy, but the effort can pay off big time.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Examine new subjects from the ground up and review the basics on familiar topics. If you want higher purpose and inspiration find a Leo to help you develop your basic ideas into a grand vision.

PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
A sexual dry spell is a gift encouraging you to focus on practical matters. Keeping priorities clear is challenging, not impossible. Money comes and goes very easily. Work to keep it coming.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 1, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

What’s Brewing: Dead birds and DADT repeal; gay shooting hero Daniel Hernandez; Chely Wright

Your weekday morning blend from Instant Tea:

1. Whacko preacher Cindy Jacobs, founder of Red Oak-based Generals International, says the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell” may be to blame for the recent bird and fish deaths in Arkansas. Others, however, have suggested that Jacobs’ wardrobe is the real culprit. In case you didn’t know, Red Oak is a little town in Ellis County, about a half hour south of Dallas on I-35. Here’s what Jacobs says in the video above: “Well, there’s something interesting we have been watching — let’s talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? We’re going to watch and see. But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage [Hosea 4] and now that we’ve had the repeal of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed. It could be because we have said it’s okay for people who commit these kinds of acts to be recognized in our military for the first time in our history, there is a potential that there is something that actually happened in the land where a hundred thousand drum fish died and also where these birds just fell out of the air.”

2. The Los Angeles Times draws a comparison between Daniel Hernandez Jr., the gay intern who may have saved the life of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords — and Oliver Sipple, a gay Marine who thwarted an assassination attempt against President Gerald in 1975. It’s sure nice to know that Instant Tea, which broke the story about Hernandez being gay, probably won’t be getting sued like the newspapers that revealed Sipple was gay. And the column is an excellent illustration of how what it means to be gay has changed so dramatically over the last 35 years. …

3. … But we’ve still got a ways to go. Country singer Chely Wright, who appeared at this year’s Black Tie Dinner in Dallas, says the perception that coming out has helped her career is flat out wrong. “My record sales went directly in half,” Wright says in a new interview with, adding that she’s also received death threats.

—  John Wright