Santa vs. homophobes?

OK, so I know Christmas is over now— even if you celebrate all 12 days of it, Christmas is over. And I figure there are at least some folks who don’t want to hear another word about anything to do with Christmas for at least another 10 months.

But when I got an email this morning promoting a new book called Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes, I decided that a little more Christmas would be ok. Because I had to find out what this was all about. Well, one of the things I quickly discovered is that Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes is the second book in a series by fantasy/horror fiction writer Robert Devereaux. The first one is called Santa Steps Out: A Fairy Tale for Grown-Ups.

First, a little bit about Devereaux: He has written eight novels, one collection of works that includes a novella and several shorter works, and scads and scads of short fiction. His first novel, Deadweight, has been described by a critic as “Stephen King meets splatterpunk” and “American Psycho with a heart.” And goth horror writer Poppy Z. Bright — a trans man whose name is now Billy Martin and a writer whose works often include LGBT characters — said of Devereaux, “I wish I could hope to ever attain one-thousandth the perversity of Robert Devereaux’s toenail clippings.”

For someone like me who is a Poppy Brite fan, that is high praise indeed for Mr. Devereaux.

Then I started reading summaries of Devereaux’s Santa books, both of which are available on Amazon.com.

Now, here’s the quick summary of Santa Steps Out: One day Santa starts remembering that in a past life he was the Greek god Pan, famous for his sexual powers. That leads him to revive his lusty ways, and he ends up having a fling with the Tooth Fairy, who apparently has also been involved with the Easter Bunny. I think that the Easter Bunny gets jealous and tattles to Mrs Claus and things end up with a big showdown between Mrs. Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Then there’s book two, Santa Conquers the Homophobes. In this one, Santa has a new step-daughter, Wendy, who can see the future of specific children, and share with them her visions of what’s to come. Santa and Wendy team up, with a little help from God the Father, to try and prevent the suicide of Jamie Stratton, a gay teen growing up in a homophobic environment who is bullied by homophobic classmates. Apparently, that effort includes Santa and Wendy visiting the bullies to try and get them to mend their bigoted ways, and also to eradicate homophobia entirely

Santa and Wendy also enlist the aid of the “persuasive” Easter Bunny to accomplish their goal, but the Tooth Fairy and her “loathsome imps” are on the other side of the battle, trying to keep Santa and Wendy from saving Jamie while also trying to make homophobia even worse than ever before.

OK. So those books both sound like something I would enjoy reading. And if the plot summaries weren’t enough to convince me, there’s the cover art for Santa Conquers the Homophobes, pictured above left, which depicts a hot, naked woman literally pooping gold. I think that may be the Tooth Fairy. Why are the hot girls who can poop gold always evil?

Anyway, both books are available at Amazon.com, and both books have downloadable Kindle versions. I think I’ll buy them and read them this weekend. If I do, I’ll let you know if you should read them, too.

But there’s one thing I am sure of, even before I read the books: This ain’t your grandma’s Santa Claus!

—  admin

Scene from DIFFA: A Santa so hot he melts snow!

A scene from the DIFFA wreath auction: Santa with Mrs. Claus and one of his reindeer (by the color of the nose, I’m guessing Rudolph, although I don’t recall a verse saying what a hot rack Rudolph had… I’m referring to the antlers, of course). Now, I know it’s not politically correct, but as someone with a salt-and-pepper beard myself, I gotta say: I prefer this clean-shaven, abs-defined Santa over the more, ahem, jolly round elf with a bowl full of jelly. Looks to me like he had a bowl full of protein powder.

Anyway, I’d hop on his sleigh anytime, and would welcome the chance to slide down Santa’s chimney. Sigh.

Look for more DIFFA pix in Friday’s edition of Dallas Voice, and online.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

James Cain’s bad day

Ok, I freely admit that there is nothing “gay” about this blog post. But, well, it is such an interesting story that I couldn’t help but post it here on Instant Tea.

It’s about a guy named James Cain who had a really bad day. And it all started when he decided — allegedly — that he was going to rob a house in Arlington.

From my perspective, robbing a house is never a good idea, so that was his first mistake. His second mistake was deciding to pull a “Santa Claus” and shimmy down the chimney to get inside.

Apparently, Cain didn’t have any of Santa’s magic shrinking dust, because Cain got stuck on the way down. His only recourse at that point was to start hollering for help. Somebody heard him and called the cops, who called the fire department to come cut out a section of the wall to get Cain loose.

And if that’s not trouble enought, Cain made one more mistake. He left his marijuana in his vehicle, which he parked down the street from the house he was — allegedly — trying to rob.

Now Cain is being held in jail, in lieu of an $11,500 bond, facing charges of burglary of a habitation and possession of marijuana.

—  admin

Heavenbent for leather

Leather Knights bring back Angel Tree to benefit AIDS Services of Dallas

ANGELS IN AMERICA  |  David Henry  is making his list and checking it twice. (Arnold Wayne Jones/Dallas Voice)

Santa Claus isn’t always a fat old man in a fur suit. Sometimes he’s a hot leather daddy in a harness.

That’s the way the Leather Knights see it, at least. Once again, the group is sponsoring its Angel Tree for the holidays.

The idea is simple: Go to the Dallas Eagle and check out the tree, decorated with paper ornaments on which are written requests for some holiday cheer for clients of AIDS Services of Dallas and Hillcrest House. Some are middle-aged men in need of warm clothes. Some are children wanting their first iPod. All are deserving.

Take down the ornament, buy the gift, wrap it (with a tag) and return it to the Eagle no later than Dec. 18. The Knights and Eagle staff do the rest, delivering the gift to the person requesting it and making an angel out of you. And let’s face it: Most of the year, you’re more of a devil, so this is a perfect time to get into the holiday spirit.

— Arnold Wayne Jones

Visit the Angel Tree and return the gift between Nov. 27 and Dec. 18 at the Dallas Eagle, 2515 Inwood Road, suite 107. LeatherKnights.org.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition November 26, 2010.

—  Michael Stephens

Steve ‘Santa Claus’ Sprinkle’s message to gay youth goes national: No, God doesn’t hate you

Dr. Stephen Sprinkle’s “It Gets Better” video has been viewed almost 12,000 times.

The other day we shared with you the Rev. Stephen Sprinkle’s “It Gets Better” YouTube message to LGBT youth. Sprinkle, a gay 58-year-old assistant professor at TCU’s Brite Divinity School, may lack the celebrity appeal of some others who’ve recorded these messages in recent days, such as Chris Colfer, Tim Gunn or Ke$ha (also, $prinkle doesn’t usually spell his name with a dollar sign). But out of more than 1,000 videos submitted to the “It Gets Better” YouTube channel, Sprinkle’s is among a handful featured in a national story about the campaign from the Associated Press. That’s because, according to AP, Sprinkle is like the gay Santa Claus. And after all, for the average LGBT youth who’s not going to become a celebrity, a grandfather figure who’s a man of the cloth probably has a lot more cred than Perez Hilton. At least we’d like to think so. Here’s the excerpt about Sprinkle from the AP story:

It’s been 40 years since Stephen Sprinkle was in high school. At 58, he rocks gently in an office chair, his trim gray beard and gentle smile offering a touch of Santa Claus in his video. He describes his Christian upbringing in rural North Carolina and his decision to deny himself an “affectional life” as a gay man when he received his call to the ministry in his 20s.

“It made me lonely for a lot of years,” he tells his viewers, as he constantly looked over his shoulder and lived in fear he would slip up and reveal his secret.

It wasn’t until he was hired as an assistant professor at Brite Divinity School in Fort Worth, Texas, that he decided to come out “utterly, fully and completely,” surviving attempts to have him fired and earning tenure, Sprinkle said in an interview.

Since posting the video, he’s heard from several young people, including one so upset that Sprinkle tracked down professional help.

“He’s 18. He’s a closeted religious person and he told me he was afraid he was going to explode,” Sprinkle said. “He kept asking over and over, `Does God hate me?’ I said ‘Heavens, no. God created you beautiful and complete. God makes no mistakes like that.’”

—  John Wright